Two and a Half Men

Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two and a half men
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Alan: It's just a coincidence that I'm sitting here waiting for a prostitute, and all of the sudden you show up at the front door?
Rose: You're waiting for a prostitute?
Alan: No.
Rose: Oh, Alan, that's not like you.
Alan: Yeah, well, when you've had your heart broken enough times and can't even bear the thought of having an emotional connection with another human being, what else is there to do?
Rose: A lot of people masturbate, I hear. Really, I've heard them.
Alan: Nevertheless, sometimes a man needs to feel something other than his own touch.
Rose: Have you tried switching hands? It's like being with a clumsy stranger.


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Alan Harper Quotes, Rose Quotes, Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 14 Quotes, Two and a Half Men Quotes
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Two and a Half Men Season 5 Episode 14 Quotes

Alan: So, did you make the call?
Charlie: Everybody wants me to pimp for them. I might as well get a purple hat, high boots, and a full-length fur coat.
Alan: If anyone can pull it off, it's you.

Berta: So, Zippy's getting a hooker?
Charlie: It would appear so.
Berta: Talk about earning your money.