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My God, Ted, you don't tell a man like Mordor to be less passionate. It's like telling Gandhi to be less... whatever he was. Thin.

Veronica

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Better Off Ted Season 2 Episode 4 Quotes

This weekend, Mordor and I am going scuba diving. Last weekend we raced cars in the desert and ate a rattlesnake... and a goat that wandered into our camp, and then a light salad.

Veronica

It turns out developing cheese that never spoils is harder than we thought. Right now, it's more of a cheddar-colored fabric that does spoil.

Ted