Lisa: Ralph thinks I like him but I only gave him a valentine because I felt sorry for him.
Homer: Ah, sweet pity. Where would my love life have been without it?

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The Simpsons Season 4 Episode 15 Quotes

I didn't cry when me own father was hung for stealing a pig, but I'll cry now.

Groundskeeper Willie

(Watching The Krusty Show)
Bart: I'd give anything to go to that show!
Homer: I'd sell my first-born son!
Bart: Hey!
Homer: You'll do as you're told!