Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud-gun in a duffle bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?


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The Office Season 2 Episode 21 Quotes

I never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.


Michael: OK, so Dwight, in your own words: "Someone replaced all my pens and pencils with crayons. I suspect Jim Halpert... Everyone has called me 'Dwayne' all day. I think Jim Halpert paid them to."
Jim: [to camera] Yes. Five bucks each, and it was totally worth it.