Security in this office park is a joke. Last year I came to work with my spud-gun in a duffle bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?

Dwight

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The Office Quotes, The Office Season 2 Episode 21 Quotes, Dwight Schrute Quotes
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The Office Season 2 Episode 21 Quotes

I never smile if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.

Dwight

Michael: Okay, Ryan. You told Toby that Creed has a distinct "old man smell?"
[cut to interview]
Creed: I know exactly what he's talking about. I sprout mung beans on a damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutritious, but they smell like death.

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