The only thing harder than building a business is finding love.


What, you can’t light a couple’s head on fire without it being about your ex-boyfriend?


Caroline: Well there’s no line on this form for “downstairs eyebrow” so I’m just going to list it as “home office.”
Sophie: Yeah, well, I do work out of it.

So you want an obnoxious cake on a trust fund wearing an ironic t-shirt with HPV?


He doesn’t want to do the cake stuff. Well, I don’t want to do the butt stuff.


Caroline: For the future, you cannot claim your weed dealer as a dependent.
Earl: I don’t know why, I’m very dependent on weed.

Han: It’s that time of year again.
Max: I’m so jealous. I can’t believe you only get your period once a year.

Who are what did you do to get this $20 tip?


Caroline: Max, that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.
Max: Don’t get all wet, you’re still at the bottom of the three-way list.

Sir, if you say another bad word about her I’m going to whoosh-whoosh you off of that chair.


Girl, you need to chill.


Me in those pearls is like a monkey in baby clothes. Just plain wrong.


2 Broke Girls Quotes

Just because there is snow on the roof, doesn't mean there is not swing in the sling


You think this (clicking the fingers) is the sound that gets you service, I think that´s the sound that dries up my vagina.