2 Broke Girls

2 Broke Girls Quotes (Page 3)

Season 1 Episode 18: "And The One Night Stand"

Sophie: There's only one party worse than this one. The Donner party.... And they had better food.
 • Rating: 3.7 / 5.0

Sophie: Max, I know you had limited budget, but music is free.
Max: Yeah, well I'm a douche.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Caroline: Pinky swear? Wait, never mind, I don't know where your hands have been.
Oleg: I just told you where they've been.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Webmaster: I can be done in a minute.
Max: Yeah, not want you want to hear.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Sophie: Do you want me to wait to give you and Caroline a ride back to our building?
Max: No it's ok, we still have to clean up and take the garbage out
Sophie: [Oleg struts in] Looks like the garbage is taking itself out.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Caroline: It's strictly business.
Max: Alright, but it's costing us 200 dollars, might as well get something out of it. Maybe let him browse your Yahoo.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Han: Tomorrow is Caroline's birthday.
Max: Why don't I know that about her? She tells me everything. I know so much about her cycle I feel pressure to impregnate her.
Oleg: I can do that for you.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 17: "And the Kosher Cupcakes"

Caroline: What about sex?
Sophie: Nobody does me better than me.
 • Rating: 4.3 / 5.0

Oleg: Sofi has new man in her life. I'm so mad I can't see straight.
Max: I'm looking right at him and I don't see straight either.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Earl: Who is that?
Max: Sophie's new boyfriend.
Earl: And where is his boyfriend?
 • Rating: 4.3 / 5.0

Max: You know I switched that Purell with KY.
Caroline: Please tell me you're kidding.
Max: Of course I' kidding, I can't afford lube; I just use my tears.
Caroline: Max seriously, don't mess with my hand sanitizer. I already caught "poverty" this year; I'm not catching the flu.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 16: "And the Broken Hearts"

Max: Roses from a man. I think I'm getting it. Is it wrong that I kind of want to sleep with your dad right now?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Earl: Oh thank god it's you Han, I saw the wings and thought heaven was full of chunky Chinese cherubs and no jazz.
 • Rating: Unrated

Caroline: Your wings are adorable!
Han: Yes, but matching panties are suffocating the boys.
 • Rating: Unrated

David: So you're not here to return my Dartmouth T-shirt
Caroline: You gave that to me.
David: No I loaned it to you, I feel like I lost it in a custody battle, and now I'm a deadbeat dad.
 • Rating: Unrated

Max: Look at me gingerbread! If anything happens to him, I will staple your nutsack to that chair!
 • Rating: Unrated

Oleg: So no one can get you to come?
Sofi: Some people can get me to come, just not you.
Oleg: Hard to get, I like it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Sofi: Oh Earl, you make me smile. I wish we had black people in Poland when I was growing up.
Earl: Too bad, we would have really enjoyed segregation and Hitler.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Caroline: Candy hearts. Here, hold out your hand, let's get our heart on.
Oleg: I'm way ahead of you.
 • Rating: Unrated

Han: I've made a special menu for tomorrow's Valentine's Day celebration
Caroline: Han, that's so romantic
Max: Romantic and wrong. This is "When Harry Met Sally" it's :When Harry Met Salmonella"
 • Rating: Unrated

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