Nicholas: She will not believe me, I have a history.
Caroline: There are two of us here.
Nicholas: I also have that history.

Caroline: I don't want to be the whore he's leaving her for!
Max: That's my favorite Dr. Seuss book.

I've told dozens of women I'm leaving my wife for them and I'm not even married. here in America.


Caroline: Max, do you think you can fake a stroke?
Max: Fake a stroke, fake an orgasm. Basically anything that will get me out of work.

Max, where's you Deke? In my pants where it always is.


Max: I'd say the only mystery is who here gets laid the least.
Han: Hello.
Max: Cracked it, Watson!

Caroline: I'm so sorry, this is silly. I know this must be hard for you.
Nicholas: Not anymore.

You really think you can sleep with him without using his penis as a pillow?


See? You just pop them out one at a time. They're like Pez for sluts.


The only thing this hair and my mother have in common is that they're both high.


Bonjour, bitches!


Caroline: That should've been mine, I haven't had a hairgasm in years.
Max: She hasn't had any gasm in years.

2 Broke Girls Quotes

Just because there is snow on the roof, doesn't mean there is not swing in the sling


You think this (clicking the fingers) is the sound that gets you service, I think that´s the sound that dries up my vagina.