Nicholas: She will not believe me, I have a history.
Caroline: There are two of us here.
Nicholas: I also have that history.

Caroline: I don't want to be the whore he's leaving her for!
Max: That's my favorite Dr. Seuss book.

I've told dozens of women I'm leaving my wife for them and I'm not even married. here in America.


Caroline: Max, do you think you can fake a stroke?
Max: Fake a stroke, fake an orgasm. Basically anything that will get me out of work.

Max, where's you Deke? In my pants where it always is.


Max: I'd say the only mystery is who here gets laid the least.
Han: Hello.
Max: Cracked it, Watson!

Caroline: I'm so sorry, this is silly. I know this must be hard for you.
Nicholas: Not anymore.

You really think you can sleep with him without using his penis as a pillow?


See? You just pop them out one at a time. They're like Pez for sluts.


The only thing this hair and my mother have in common is that they're both high.


Bonjour, bitches!


Caroline: That should've been mine, I haven't had a hairgasm in years.
Max: She hasn't had any gasm in years.

2 Broke Girls Quotes

You think this (clicking the fingers) is the sound that gets you service, I think that´s the sound that dries up my vagina.


Hey, when you get a second, stop staring at my boobs.