Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS

Deke: We can watch TV with your shirts off.
Max: Maybe and I will buy you some dinner if you put out.

Caroline: Well, I did it. I saved the neighborhood.
Max: You had a car towed; you didn't burn down the Bed Bath and Beyond.

Deke: But just so you know, nothing happened between me and Judy last night.
Max: That’s lame. If you like a girl, you should just grab her and kiss her.
Deke: Ok [grabs Max and kisses her].

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Caroline: Well, there’s Nicholas. I was not prepared for this.
Max: Really? Cuz we spent the entire subway ride preparing you for this.

Earl: [Han walks in dressed in large snow suit] Still don’t know where Han is, but the new Bond villain just arrived.
Oleg: Now there’s an even bigger Octopussy in town.

Martha Stewart: I will taste it
Caroline: You will?
Martha Stewart: I like your entrepreneur drive. And I have a feeling it's the only way I'm getting out of here alive.

Max: slow down your heart.
Earl: Sorry I'm late, but if I run any faster cops tend to pull guns on me.

Get your cupcake on, because we are going to get BALLED!


Earl: Why Johnny, if it isn't the famous street artist.
Johnny: I'm hardly famous.
Earl: I know, my comment was laced with sarcasm.

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