Jack: I had "lunch" with Martha Stewart and "dinner" with her daughter Alexis.
Liz: Gross.

Jenna: Gerhardt, would you like to dance?
Gerhardt: Sadly because my body does not produce joint fluid, I cannot.

Just to know she's filled with bile over me warms my heart.


Your name sounds Jewish. You must be important.


Bianca: Congratulations John, she's much sharper than the other girl you had ... what was her name?
Jack: Beyonce.

Jack: Lemon, I want to thank you. For showing me that I could have a pleasant evening with a woman my age.
Liz: I'm twelve years younger than you.
Jack: A woman your age then.

Liz: You've already made up your mind about this, haven't you?
Jenna: Oh, you're right, Liz! I should go for it!
Liz: You're not even listening, are you? Poop. Monkey butt.
Jenna: No, you're a good friend and thank you.

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