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Jack: Are you familiar with the Japanese art of Reiki?
Liz: No.
Jack: It is the laying on of hands in order to improve one's life.
Liz: How does your life improve? Do the hands have money in them?

You're trying to bring logic to the Robot-Bear sketch?

Liz

Liz: Why does he always assume we're lesbians?
Gretchen: I am a lesbian.

Liz: What made you think I was gay?
Jack: Your shoes.
Liz: Well, I'm straight.
Jack: Those shoes are definitely bi-curious.

Jack: Poker night? How many play?
Liz: Oh, you're not going to come to our crappy poker night, are you?
Jack: No, I'm not going to come.
Liz: [relieved] Good!
Jack: I bluffed. I am coming.

You are a puzzle, Kenneth Ellen, and I'm going to solve you. Yes I am.

Jack

Liz: I can't believe you bet your wedding ring.
Pete: I know. Weird thing is... I had money left.

Liz: Well it was nice of you to let him keep his job.
Jack: The Italians have a saying, Lemon. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. And although they've never won a war or mass-produced a decent car, in this area they are correct. In five years we'll all either be working for him... or dead by his hand.

Liz: Kenneth, why did you bet that terrible hand?
Kenneth: Why? Because I believe life is for the living. I believe in taking risks and biting off more than you can chew. And also, people were yelling and I got confused about the rules.

Liz: What do guys like?
Frank: Porn.
Liz: No, I mean if you were to go on a date with a girl, how would you want her to act?
Frank: Like she was in a porn.

Displaying all 10 quotes

30 Rock Season 1 Episode 3 Quotes

Liz: Kenneth, why did you bet that terrible hand?
Kenneth: Why? Because I believe life is for the living. I believe in taking risks and biting off more than you can chew. And also, people were yelling and I got confused about the rules.

Liz: What do guys like?
Frank: Porn.
Liz: No, I mean if you were to go on a date with a girl, how would you want her to act?
Frank: Like she was in a porn.