I'm tired of talking this much to a woman I'm not having sex with.

Jack

I believe that when you have a problem, you talk it over with your priest, or your tailor, or the mute elevator porter at your men's club. Then you take that problem and you crush it with your mind vice. But for lesser beings, like curly haired men and people who need glasses, therapy can help.

Jack

Jenna: Marriage is like death. You still into a routine. You lose all the spark.
Liz: I don't know. I always thought the whole point of being with someone for a long time is to get to the comfortable routine part.
Jenna: No. Relationships are like sharks, Liz. If you're not left with several bite marks after intercourse, then something's wrong.

And I will say yes when Paul proposes...that we make a sex tape and leak it on the internet.

Jenna

What is Senor Mexico saying? Stop keeping me out the loop!

Tracy

Tracy: Hey! What was that sound? It was opportunity knocking.
Jack: No one knocked, you just barged in.

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