She needs to lose thirty pounds or gain sixty. Anything in between has no place on television.


[sees Liz in wedding dress] Oh, no! Did a Korean person die?


Jack: All right, Jerry, what NBC shows do you want to be digitally inserted into?
Seinfeld: I like Lost. Is that you guys?

Liz: Okay, everyone, welcome back. Some of you may be wondering what happened between me and my boyfriend Floyd this summer. The answer is we did break up, but I am doing fine.
Frank: Is Floyd the Black guy?

Liz: [crying] I know, i'm not over it and now i'm wearing this. What is the deal with my life!?
Seinfeld: Are you imitating me!?
Liz: No, this is what I sound like when I cry.
Seinfeld: I think I'm a little insulted.
Liz: You're insulted!? I'm crying!?

Tracy: You can be a freaky-deeky and do data entry!
Liz: Sure.
Tracy: Or how about court reporting?

Lemon, women your age are more likely to get mauled at the zoo than get married.


Jack: All of my summer replacement shows were big hits - America's Next Top Pirate, Are You Stronger Than A Dog, MILF Island.
Liz: MILF Island?
Jack: 25 super hot moms, 50 eighth grade boys, no rules.
Liz: Oh yeah, didn't one of those women turn out to be a prostitute?
Jack: That doesn't mean she's not a wonderful, caring MILF.

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