Jenna: I need someone who has so little going on in her life, she lets me get all the attention.
Liz: And I need someone in my life who doesn't listen to a word I say.
Jenna: Thank you. I just got it cut.

Quiet! Mankind is trying to tweet about these clowns in Congress.


I didn't care for Mr. Socko. In my day socks just kept their mouth shut.


Man, do my feet hurt in heels sometimes...and other things women talk about.


He looks scared, like Lutz on an escalator.


I wish my first roommate hadn't died of old age!


Jenna: What were you even doing at that bachelor party?
Liz: Derek thought I was a guy and I didn't want to ruin what was happening between us.

It's like I'm in a cage, and not the fun kind where you dance while USC football recruits throw hot coins at you.


If PETA doesn't love you or hate you, you're a nobody, like a soldier or a teacher.

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