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Why don't you come back home to TGS and pick the peas out of my fried rice... and the rice. I just want carrots.


The writers can't take a car service at night anymore. I've crunched the numbers and it's cheaper for us to just replace anyone who gets murdered.


Liz: This is one of the three things I like: Ina Garten, sweater weather and...
Carol: When Muppets present at awards shows?

Toofer: Did you ever see a UFO up there?
Carol: No but once when I was in the Air Force I saw Mr. T in a Pizza Hut.

Liz: The next time you hallucinate just tell yourself "this is not real. I am in control of this."
Tracy: Like the World Cup.

Kenneth! I knew you'd come back. Let me smell your head.


Liz: The bathrooms are so much cleaner than at home... I don't know how they do it.
Jack: They clean them.

... then I need you to be back by noon to make the bathroom smell like sandalwood before I wreck it.


Jack: Lemon why do you keep spending so much money on Wigs?
Liz: Tracy's head size keeps changing.

The Harry Potter theme park is a huge hit with both anglophiles and pedophiles.


Liz: Who flies Newark to Atlantic City?
Carol: Black bachelorette parties.

I'm in Lambert-St. Louis and I can see the Arch from here. No wait, that's a half burned down McDonald's.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 15 in total

30 Rock Season 5 Episode 1 Quotes

Jack: My naturally blonde lady love and I basked in the three S's: surf, sun and ...
Liz: Sandwiches?

No Tom Jones, no!

Liz (wakes up)