Liz: Beverly.
Bev: It's just Bev, Liz. My mother died while naming me.

Liz: Also, you're kind of a slut.
Jack: I did sleep with Jenna a lot during season three.

The only way you're like Socrates is that you have the body hair of a Greek man.

Jack (to Liz)

Where are my manners? This is Florida, let me boil up a pot of hot Gatorade.

Martha

I once played a lawyer in a movie, so I know all about winning your son's love back thanks to a magic camera.

Tracy

She's lying like a rug. Rug is an offensive term for Persians that I made up.

Jenna

Jenna: Ok, start from the beginning.
Lawyer: Well the plaintiff's deposition alleges that...
Tracy: No, further back. What kind of dinosaur was your grandfather?

Thank you for calling Florida emergency services. If this is about an anaconda in a crawl space, press one.

Operator

Jack: I can give you a season pass to Universal's Harry Potter World.
Liz: Ok, I am not some kind of nerdery slut. I like Star Wars!

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