Season 1, Episode 20: "Cleveland"
Phoebe: You know how John Lennon was better then all the rest of the Beatles but he never realized it until he met Yoko? Well I'm gonna be Jack's Yoko!Liz: You want to be Yoko?!
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Season 1, Episode 19: "Corporate Crush"
Liz: His name's Floyd.Jack: That's unfortunate.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Frank: Yo Tray, we got a problem.
Tracy: [as Jefferson] Pray who be this Tracy Jordan thou speakest of?
Frank: Uh, President Jefferson, we got a problem.
Tracy: Speakest!
Frank: That horse ate your wig.
Tracy: Well, stand guard by his rump and await it in his droppings!
Lutz: Or we could probably just go get a new wig?
Tracy: A-ha! I like you, young man; you shall run my university.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Tracy: [as Sally Hemings] I'm with child!
Tracy: [as Thomas Jefferson] What?
Tracy: [as Sally Hemings] Will you free me and make me your wife?
Tracy: [as Thomas Jefferson] Um... I'm gonna have to get back to you on that.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Jack: I'm not a creative type like you, with your work sneakers and left-handedness.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Jack: You've been avoiding me, Lemon.
Liz: How do you do that without turning around?
Jack: To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you, but... here we are.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Season 1, Episode 18: "Fireworks"
Devon: Celebrity snuff. Reality content made exclusively for your mobile phone: Oh what's that? MC Lyte just murdered Danny Bonaduce? Thanks, PHONE.• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Jack: Hey, Devin, you'd better watch out. Kenneth may take your job one day.
Devon: Or your job, Jack.
Kenneth: [points at janitor] Or his job!
[Jack and Devon stare in silence]
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Jack: Banks is no slouch. He pioneered the concept of ten-second Internet sitcoms.
[cut to computer]
Theme: Makin' it happen!
[husband walks in door]
Husband: Honey, I'm home!
Wife: [sarcastic] Oh, great!
Theme: We made it!
[credits roll]
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Dr. Spaceman: I have the results of your DNA Test. I am very serious about doctorppatient confidentiality, so I am gonna have to ask that all four of us keep this to ourselves.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Total Quotes: 545
