Season 1, Episode 10: "The Rural Juror"
Jack: Look, Tracy, I can't just give you money. But what I can do is show you how you can earn all the money you need. You must know Arsenio.Tracy: Hall or Billingham?
Jack: You know someone named Arsenio Billingham?
Tracy: No.
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Jenna: You know, I have to admit, I kinda like that Tracy Jordan is no longer the only movie star on TGS. Maybe I'll finally start getting some respect around here.
Frank: What's up, flabby butt? You look weird today... Hey Pete, you want to see a comic book with pregnant zombie nuns?
Pete: Yes, I do.
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Dr. Spaceman: Jack! Tracy! What can I do for you?
Jack: We have a product we want you to give a medical endorsement to.
Dr. Spaceman: I'll do it! What is it?
Jack: It's called the Tracy Jordan Meat Machine. It's a dual-press grill.
Dr. Spaceman: Say no more. If it's giving people meat, then I'm on board. I've always said humans need more animal blood. It keeps their spine straight.
Jack: We appreciate it, Leo.
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Tracy: So GE will produce the Tracy Jordan Meat Machine?
Jack: Oh no, no. GE could never make something so... unique. We'll have to pass this off to one of our subsidiaries. You see, GE owns KitchenAll of Colorado, which in turn owns JMI of Stamford which is a majority shareholder of Pokerfastlane.com which recently acquired the Sheinhardt Wig Company which owns NBC outright. NBC owns Winnipeg Iron Works which owns the AHP Chanagi Party Meats company of Pyongyang, North Korea... and they will make the Meat Machine.
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Jenna: Hey, I've gotta miss an hour of rehearsal today 'cause I just found out from my publicist that I've been booked on The View.
Pete: Oh, Jenna, that's great. For the first time in your life, you'll be in a room full of women and you'll be the least crazy one.
Jenna: Yeah, I know!
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Season 1, Episode 9: "The Baby Show"
Liz: Jack Donaghy is gonna kill me and then he's gonna kill you and then he's gonna fold us up in a pizza and eat us.• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Cerie: Guess what, everyone? I'm engaged!
Frank: Hey, this isn't going to change the way you dress or eat lollipops, is it?
Cerie: No.
Frank: Oh, then, congratulations.
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Liz: I'm not firing Josh.
Tracy: You always take his side.
[cut to flashback]
Liz: Tracy, stop tasering him!
[cut to present]
Tracy: See? I need to be respected, Liz Lemon.
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Liz: Oh, hi. I'm sorry, I got this number under fertility in the Writers Guild Health Manual?
Dr. Spaceman: I'm also listed under meth addiction and child psychiatry. So, what can I help you with? I should start by saying that I can't personally help you conceive. Something happened to me while scuba diving.
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Tracy: This is untoward! This is not toward!
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Total Quotes: 545
