Season 1, Episode 9: "The Baby Show"
Liz: What's going on, business got ya down?Jack: Business doesn't get me down, business gets me off.
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Season 1, Episode 8: "The Break-Up"
Jack: That's why I only date 20 year olds.Dennis: Let me tell you about 20 year olds, half of them are 16.
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Tracy: I want to hold a mirror up to society and then win world record for biggest mirror.
Frank: He's totally right.
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Dennis: (reading a letter) Dear Liz Lemon: While other women have bigger boobs than you, no other woman has as big a heart. When I saw you getting ready to go out and get nailed by a bunch of guys last night, I knew for sure it was over between us, and for the first time since the '86 World Series, I cried... I cried like a big, dumb homo. And if it was up to me, we'd be together forever. But there's a new thing called "women's liberation," which gives you women the right to choose and you have chosen to abort me, and that I must live with. So tonight, when you arrive home, I'll be gone. I officially renounce my squatter's rights. Goodbye and good luck. I'll never forget you.
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Guy: Excuse me, is this seat taken?
Liz: [sighs] Really dude? I got to move my coat? There are like 4 empty seats over there - can't you just be cool?
[guy leaves]
Jenna: That guy wanted to buy you a drink!
Liz: Really? But I already have a drink... do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?
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Season 1, Episode 7: "Tracy Does Conan"
Dennis: Look at this ski jumping idiot Bode Miller. What kind of a fruity name is Bode?Liz: That cereal has the Olympics on it? It must be, like, eight months old.
Dennis: When you and me have kids we're going to give them good names like "Shannon" or "Rick."
Liz: When we what?
Dennis: When we have kids, Dummy.
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Liz: Why is there hair everywhere? Did you shave in the kitchen?
Dennis: The water in here is softer.
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Jack: I don't do these things just to drive you crazy, Lemon. I do them for the good of the show.
Liz: Well, I'm the one who always has to clean up the mess afterwards.
Jack: That's why my job is way better than yours.
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Liz: Why did you bump Jenna from Conan?
Jack: Because if I have a choice between an international movie star and a woman who does commercials for ShopRite...
Liz: No, no, no. Jenna doesn't do those commercials anymore. She got fired.
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Tracy: I am a stabbing robot.
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Total Quotes: 545
