30 Rock

30 Rock Season 1 Quotes (Page 3)

Season 1 Episode 16: "The Source Awards"

Tracy: I'm just going through the classic stages of grief; fear, denial, horniness, wisdom, sleepiness and now depression.
Kenneth: What about anger?
Tracy: No! I don't wanna do anger and you can't make me!
 • Rating: Unrated

Liz: You can't solve all your problems by shooting someone or setting a stranger on fire.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Jack: Don't be ridiculous.
Ridikolus: I am Ridikolus.
 • Rating: 3.5 / 5.0

Ridikolus: Aww man you didn't just skuff these shoes. P Diddy wears these shoes.
Kenneth: Oh, will he be mad when you give them back?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jack: The Game?
Tracy: Nope.
Jack: T.I.?
Tracy: It not happenin.
Jack: Super head?
Tracy: No can do.
Jack: Fabolous?
Tracy: Wont do.
Jack: Redonkeykong?
Tracy: Nope.
Jack: MC Skat Kat?
Tracy: What?
Jack: HoMONKulus?
Tracy: Uh-uh.
Jack: Raw Dog?
Tracy: Hell no! Me an his beef go way back. We were both on cast members on Nickelodeon show called "Ray-Ray's Garage."
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Tracy: Who else is going to be at that party?
Jack: Well, you're going to be sharing the stage with NAS...
Tracy: Nope, he hates me! We used to date the same girl.
Jack: What about Young Jeezy?
Tracy: Forget about it. I called his pit bull gay on 106th and Park.
Liz: That would do it.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Liz: I truly don't like you as a person. [inspirational music plays] Can't one human being not like another human being? Can't we all just not get along?
Steven: Liz, I wish it could be like that... and maybe someday our children or our children's children will hate each other like that, but it just doesn't work that way today.
Liz: So what you're saying is that any woman that doesn't like you is a racist.
Steven: No, no, no, no, no. Some women are gay.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tracy: If you get rich off this stuff, just take care of my family. I don't want my kids to have to go to college.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 15: "Hard Ball"

Jack: He is not your friend, he's your opponent. He's going to try to grab all the marbles and it's our job to hide them.
Liz: That's not how you play marbles, Jack.
Jack: But that's how you keep them.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Tracy: I love this cornbread so much, I want to take it behind a middle school, and get it pregnant.
Kenneth: (dreamily) Pregnant cornbread ...
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Liz: Why do you sound surprised? I love America. Just because I think gay dudes should be allowed to adopt kids and we should all have hybrid cars doesn't mean I don't love America.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Liz: Why did you tell the reporter that you hate the troops?
Jenna: What? I didn't say I hate the troops.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jenna: Liz, I'm just worried that I'm going to sound like I don't know what I'm talking about.
Liz: Would Sharon Stone worry about that?
 • Rating: Unrated

Kenneth: That lady you European-kissed last night was actually a gentleman.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jack: Good lord! The worm ... that's so degrading. Are its origins German?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jack: The crab is getting aroused. Shut it down. Shut it down!
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Tracy: Television on! Pornography!
 • Rating: 3.7 / 5.0

Jack: Lemon, I would like to teach you something. I would like to be Michelle Pfeiffer to your angry black kid who learns that poetry is just another way to rap.
Liz: No, Jack. I don't want to learn about negotiation. I just want Josh to stay. The show needs him.
Jack: Lesson number one: you don't need anyone. Sure, Josh tests well with female viewers 12 to 24, which is important to advertisers because young women will buy just about anything.
 • Rating: Unrated

Cerie: These sunglasses have a chip in them that makes the lenses change color as my iPod loses power!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Liz: Wow, this is an... honor. I have a friend who is number four on Maxim's list of "The Sexiest Women in Comedy."
Jenna: Thanks. At first I was mad that Jessica Simpson was ahead of me, but then I saw The Dukes of Hazzard. Funny!
 • Rating: Unrated

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