Liz: What made you think I was gay?
Jack: Your shoes.
Liz: Well, I'm straight.
Jack: Those shoes are definitely bi-curious.

Jack: Poker night? How many play?
Liz: Oh, you're not going to come to our crappy poker night, are you?
Jack: No, I'm not going to come.
Liz: [relieved] Good!
Jack: I bluffed. I am coming.

You are a puzzle, Kenneth Ellen, and I'm going to solve you. Yes I am.

Jack

Liz: I can't believe you bet your wedding ring.
Pete: I know. Weird thing is... I had money left.

Liz: Well it was nice of you to let him keep his job.
Jack: The Italians have a saying, Lemon. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. And although they've never won a war or mass-produced a decent car, in this area they are correct. In five years we'll all either be working for him... or dead by his hand.

Kenneth: Excuse me, Ms. Lemon, but, you're on the monitors right now, so...
Liz: Everyone in the building can see and hear me...
Kenneth: Yes.

[to the writers] I didn't say anything about you guys that I wouldn't have said to your faces.

Liz

Liz: Mr. Donaghy, I sincerely apologize; I'm so embarrassed.
Jack: Well, I guess you must be embarrassed if you're hiding in the storage closet.
Liz: This is my office.

Jenna: Okay, that was beyond insulting. The guy doesn't even know my name. Why do you love him so much?
Liz: No, no, no, no, no. I don't love him, Donaghy loves him. That's it. Pete can't stand him, Toofer thinks he's an idiot, even Cerie says he's a pig.
Jenna: Frank likes his movies.
Liz: Yeah, Frank also loves that video of the monkey smelling his own butt ... Nobody wants Tracy Jordan here, except for certified non-genius Jack Donaghy.

Tracy: Lemme just say, I'm excited to be here. It's an honor for you to meet me. I've got a lot of characters I'm ready to bust out. I got a character named "Biscuit", write that out. I got another character named "Rolando", who is a two-foot-tall Spanish hustler. [pointing to Frank] Glasses, I want you to write that one. I got another character named "Ching Chong" who loves to play ping pong. I just made that up right now, 'cause that's how I flow. Now, I'm up for anything.
Josh: Well, I thought, uh, me and you could play Seinfeld and Bill Cosby.
Tracy: No. I don't like that.

Toofer: He's an imbecile.
Pete: Well, he's our imbecile now.

Studio 6H is where we do The Girlie Show. Did you all see Tracy Jordan make a special appearance the other night? Wasn't that exciting!? That is what we in the show business like to call a cameo.

Kenneth
Displaying quotes 61 - 72 of 174 in total

30 Rock Season 1 Quotes

Jack: You are both a disgrace to the Donaghy name!
Jack's Dad: It's pronounced "Don-a-fee," you lace-curtain half-an-Englishman!
Jack: When I think of all the things that I've been holding inside me that I wanted to say to you... [raises fists] Well now I'm gonna let "Saint Patrick" and "Saint Michael" DO MY TALKING FOR ME!
Jack's Dad: [raises fists] You'll have to get through "Tip O'Neill" and "Bobby Sands" first!
Eddie Donaghy: You call those fist names?! [raises fists] Say hello to "Bono" and "Sandra Day O'Connor!"
Jack: Those are the stupidest fist names I've ever heard.

Jack: Are you familiar with the GE tri-vection oven?
Liz: I don't cook very much.
Jack: Sure... I gotcha. New York, third-wave feminist, college-educated, single and pretending to be happy about it, over-scheduled, undersexed, you buy any magazine that says "healthy body image" on the cover, and every two years you take up knitting for ... a week.
Pete: That is dead on!
Liz: What, are you going to guess my weight now?
Jack: You don't want me to do that.

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