30 Rock

30 Rock Season 1 Quotes (Page 7)

Season 1 Episode 6: "Jack Meets Dennis"

Jack: Gosh, I hope you got a picture of that with a camera on your beeper.
Dennis: Actually, my beeper doesn't have a camera; but it does have a pedometer. Actually, not this one.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Jack: You have to stuff your heart with steel wool and tin foil. You must be ruthless, you must be absolute. Remember always you are the exterminator, say it!
Liz: I am the exterminator!
Jack: Say it like you mean it!
Liz: I am the exterminator!
Jack: Louder!
Liz: [shouts] I am the exterminator!
Jack: Okay, not that loud. People are trying to work around here.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jack: Lemon, today is the first day of the rest of your life; and what is the first thing you need to do?
Liz: I have to break up with Dennis.
Jack: And if you don't break up with him now?
Liz: He'll just keep showing up at work to sell beepers; we'll just get more and more tangled up in each other's lives 'till I can't even get away and we're just like... Oh, my God!
Jack: That's right! He's the Rat King. And there's only one way to break up with a rat, you have to cut him off completely.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jack: So, how did it go.
Liz: He moved in with me.
Jack: Well, of course he did.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Liz: Okay, very funny. You bought a pager from Dennis. Will you take it off now, please?
Jack: Oh, I can't. I'm expecting a call from 1983.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dennis: You know there are 17 million rats per person in Manhattan. You eat a pound of rat crap every year without even knowing it, huh?
Jack: I think I read about that in The New Yorker... Um, anyway, we'll leave you two to your meal. I hope you enjoy the choices that you've made.
 • Rating: Unrated

Liz: This is clearly the nicest restaurant we've ever been to.
Dennis: Hold on a second, this place ain't that nice, alright. It's got rats and roaches like every other restaurant.
Liz: No rat talk tonight, okay.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jack: That's a sharp tie you've got there, Dennis.
Dennis: That douchebag up front made me wear it.
Jack: Does he know you're the Beeper King?
Dennis: I don't think so.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 5: "Jack-Tor"

Jenna: Oh, I'm not worried because I have something the other actors don't.
Liz: Don't say your sexuality.
Jenna: My sexuality.
Liz: Oh, god, Jenna! When has that ever worked?
Jenna: When has it not worked?!
 • Rating: Unrated

Jenna: Yeah, but this is different because I know Jack Donaghy. I know what he likes.
Liz: Yeah. So now you just have to make yourself 10 years younger and Asian.
 • Rating: Unrated

Liz: Oh you should do it. It will be hilarious.
Jack: Well, that will be a refreshing change of pace for the show, won't it?
 • Rating: Unrated

Jack: Lemon, I don't know how to do this.
Liz: I know.
Jack: I don't get it. It's not the fear. I thrive on fear.
Liz: Yeah, you're lookin' out a fake window right now, by the way.
Jack: I bow hunt polar bear. I once drove a rental car into the Hudson to practice escaping. And it's not the public speaking, there's just something about performing I can't wrap my brain around. All this creative crap. Acting. Ahhh. I've never been able to do it. Never.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jack: Lemon, I need your help.
Liz: Really, Jack Donaghy needs my...
Jack: Don't gloat, it makes you seem man-ish.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Liz: ... Any dumb-dumb can act, Jack, so be a man and get it done.
Jack: If you were any other woman on Earth, I would be turned on right now.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jack: All you have to do as the writing staff of an NBC show is incorporate positive mentions, or 'POS-MENS' of GE products into your program. For example you could write an episode where one of your character purchases, and is satisfied with one of GE's direct current drilling motors for off-shore or land-based projects.
 • Rating: Unrated

Pete: So, first you thought he was illiterate and now you think he's lazy? Liz, you are racist.
Liz: No, Tracy took advantage of my white guilt, which is supposed to be used only for good, like over-tipping and supporting Barack Obama.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 4: "Jack the Writer"

[the writers are ogling Cerie]
Liz: I think we need to change this Donald Trump joke... because Donald Trump was eaten by a lion this morning... on the International Space Station... Anyone listening?
 • Rating: Unrated

Jack: Are you familiar with Six Sigma?
Frank: Oh, yeah. It's a special kinda G.I. Joe.
Jack: It's Frank, right?
Frank: Yes, sir.
Jack: Six Sigma says that a manager must understand every aspect of the business that he or she oversees.
Liz: Which means?
Jack: I'll be here everyday. Soaking it up.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jack: So, I was doing some research on comedy and I came across the cartoon strip Dilbert. It's quite good. And I was wondering if we could do that.
Liz: Do what?
Jack: Dilbert.
 • Rating: Unrated

Pete: So, is Donaghy gonna be in the room again today?
Liz: Ugh. Probably, yeah.
Pete: Well, you have to say something to him. You guys aren't getting any work done.
Liz: Really? You don't think his idea of starting with the catchphrases and working backwards is panning out?
 • Rating: Unrated

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