30 Rock

30 Rock Season 1 Quotes (Page 9)

Season 1 Episode 2: "The Aftermath"

Tracy: Lemme just say, I'm excited to be here. It's an honor for you to meet me. I've got a lot of characters I'm ready to bust out. I got a character named "Biscuit", write that out. I got another character named "Rolando", who is a two-foot-tall Spanish hustler. [pointing to Frank] Glasses, I want you to write that one. I got another character named "Ching Chong" who loves to play ping pong. I just made that up right now, 'cause that's how I flow. Now, I'm up for anything.
Josh: Well, I thought, uh, me and you could play Seinfeld and Bill Cosby.
Tracy: No. I don't like that.
 • Rating: Unrated

Toofer: He's an imbecile.
Pete: Well, he's our imbecile now.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Kenneth: Studio 6H is where we do The Girlie Show. Did you all see Tracy Jordan make a special appearance the other night? Wasn't that exciting!? That is what we in the show business like to call a cameo.
 • Rating: Unrated

Liz: We gotta do something.
Tracy: Let's crash my car to see if the airbags go off.
Liz: Let me explain what I'm talking about first!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tracy: So, how you doing over there, Theo Huxtable.
Toofer: I'm doing good.
Tracy: Nah-uh. Superman does good; you're doing well. You need to study your grammar, son.
Frank: [to Toofer] Wow, that was embarrassing for you.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Liz: How you doin'?
Jenna: There is no way that I am working with that guy. Do you know that he once got arrested for walking naked through LaGuardia?
Liz: Yeah.
Jenna: And that he once fell asleep on Ted Danson's roof?
Liz: Yeah, Tracy has mental health issues.
Jenna: He bit Dakota Fanning on the face.
Liz: When you hear his version, she was kinda askin' for it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 1: "Pilot"

Liz: Whoa, excuse me, there's a line, buddy.
Man: There's two lines.
Liz: No. No, there's one line; we're in it.
Man: I'm just getting a hot dog.
Liz: We're all getting hot dogs! What, you think there's two lines and we're all in this line? You're the only genius who got in the other line? Can you believe this guy?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Liz: Where's Gary?
Jack: Gary's dead. I'm Jack Donaghy. New VP of development for NBC/GE/Universal/Kmart.
Pete: Oh, we own Kmart now?
Jack: No. Why are you dressed like we do?
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Tracy: Affirmative action was designed to keep women and minorities in competition with each other to distract us while white dudes inject AIDS into our chicken nuggets.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Liz: I'm not like these girls, Tracy. I don't have sex for money!
Stripper: Neither do we!
Tracy: Neither do they! [mouthing silently] Yes they do!
 • Rating: Unrated

Jack: Alfredo. 2 p.m.
Liz: I'm not dressed for that.
Jack: You're dressed for Burger King. Should we make it Burger King?
 • Rating: Unrated

Tracy: You know how pissed off I was when US Weekly said that I was on crack? That's racist! I'm not on crack. I'm straight-up mentally ill!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jack: Are you familiar with the GE tri-vection oven?
Liz: I don't cook very much.
Jack: Sure... I gotcha. New York, third-wave feminist, college-educated, single and pretending to be happy about it, over-scheduled, undersexed, you buy any magazine that says "healthy body image" on the cover, and every two years you take up knitting for ... a week.
Pete: That is dead on!
Liz: What, are you going to guess my weight now?
Jack: You don't want me to do that.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jack: [to Liz] I like you. You have the boldness of a much younger woman.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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