If you get rich off this stuff just take care of my family. I don't want my kids to have to go to college.

Tracy

Now as you may have read in Robert Parker's wine newsletter, "Donaghy Estates tastes like Satan's urine after a hefty portion of asparagus."

Jack

Death sentence number two. Shooting people at the source awards is a tradition. It's like Christmas or like shooting outside of HOT 97.

Tracy

I gotta take a break. I can't drink any more of this... my tummy is killing me.

Ghostface Killah

Jenna: Steven played the race card. What did you do?
Liz: What could I do? I picked up the check and made out with him a little bit in the taxi.

Ridikolus: What color plane are you want to buy?
Jack: Clear... like Wonder Woman's.

Tracy: I'm just going through the classic stages of grief; fear, denial, horniness, wisdom, sleepiness and now depression.
Kenneth: What about anger?
Tracy: No! I don't wanna do anger and you can't make me!

You can't solve all your problems by shooting someone or setting a stranger on fire.

Liz

Jack: Don't be ridiculous.
Ridikolus: I am Ridikolus.

Ridikolus: Aww man you didn't just skuff these shoes. P Diddy wears these shoes.
Kenneth: Oh, will he be mad when you give them back?

Jack: The Game?
Tracy: Nope.
Jack: T.I.?
Tracy: It not happenin.
Jack: Super head?
Tracy: No can do.
Jack: Fabolous?
Tracy: Wont do.
Jack: Redonkeykong?
Tracy: Nope.
Jack: MC Skat Kat?
Tracy: What?
Jack: HoMONKulus?
Tracy: Uh-uh.
Jack: Raw Dog?
Tracy: Hell no! Me an his beef go way back. We were both on cast members on Nickelodeon show called "Ray-Ray's Garage."

Tracy: Who else is going to be at that party?
Jack: Well, you're going to be sharing the stage with NAS...
Tracy: Nope, he hates me! We used to date the same girl.
Jack: What about Young Jeezy?
Tracy: Forget about it. I called his pit bull gay on 106th and Park.
Liz: That would do it.

30 Rock Season 1 Quotes

Liz: What made you think I was gay?
Jack: Your shoes.
Liz: Well, I'm straight.
Jack: Those shoes are definitely bi-curious.

Jack: You are both a disgrace to the Donaghy name!
Jack's Dad: It's pronounced "Don-a-fee," you lace-curtain half-an-Englishman!
Jack: When I think of all the things that I've been holding inside me that I wanted to say to you... [raises fists] Well now I'm gonna let "Saint Patrick" and "Saint Michael" DO MY TALKING FOR ME!
Jack's Dad: [raises fists] You'll have to get through "Tip O'Neill" and "Bobby Sands" first!
Eddie Donaghy: You call those fist names?! [raises fists] Say hello to "Bono" and "Sandra Day O'Connor!"
Jack: Those are the stupidest fist names I've ever heard.