Accidentally on Purpose Season 1 Episode 1: "Pilot" Quotes
I have to think of my future. I want a husband one day. One with a checking account and... a toothbrush he acquired via purchase rather than "dibs."
Billie
Zack: You said you were thirty-two.
Billie: That was when I thought I was never going to see you again
Abby: Didn't you use condoms?
Billie: I guess it turns out they're not 100% effective unless you actually take them out of your purse.
Olivia: Billie, Billie, Billie, always use a condom... and an alias
Abby: I mean, look how happy I am since I married Nick. And you know why? Because he is stable, well-balanced, supportive.
Billie: Yes! Nick would make a good chair
Look, when we started dating, I told you I didn't want to get married again. And you said, "Oh my God! Do you own this plane?"
James [to Billie]
James: You should know that I know Krav Maga.
Zack: Fine, call him. I'll fight him, too!
Zack: You know, I bet my buds I could go a whole day eating and drinking only things that end in 'tos.' Mojitos, burritos, taquitos.
Billie: I did that once, but with things that end in 'oni.' Pepperoni, spumoni, calzone. But there wasn't a bet involved. My sorority was just full of bulimics
I guess it turns out they're not 100 percent effective unless you actually take them out of your purse.
Billie
Billie: Look, I know this may sound nuts, but I'm thinking of going home with a guy who may be significantly younger than me, and I just need to know if the situation is empowering or desperate.
Olivia: Is he over 18?
Billie: Yeah.
Olivia: Empowering!
Were you using my grandmother's urn as a water pipe?
Billie
I'm running out of charming. I think I have some more back in my apartment.
Zack
