My love life is more depressing than a war-torn Soviet state.


Brian: [Pam] didn't want to have kids. Which is what I love about you. Because if things work out between us, it's like an instant family. I'm an automatic dad.
Billie: Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Tha-- that's very sweet. But my situation is a little more complicated than that. I mean, there's Zack.
Brian: Oh, so you're keeping Zack?

Pam: He used to call me his muse. Didn't ya?
Brian: Well, I called you a lot of things. Muse was one of them.

Zack: Look, I know it doesn't look like it, but I'm doing all this because I care about you.
Billie: I know you do, but there has to be a universe where I get to be happy too. Please be happy with me.

(to Zack) Oh, man! You were right about that guy. He's trying to steal your baby. Like a reverse stork.


Billie: What are you doing?
Zack: I'm looking out for you.
Billie: Well, stop it. I have been dating since... oh my God! Since you were in kindergarten.

(to Zack) When I saw that guy kissing your pregnant lady, I got this really sick feeling in my stomach. Kinda like the time I saw my mom skinny-dipping with my Uncle Bob.

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