Abby: I mean, look how happy I am since I married Nick. And you know why? Because he is stable, well-balanced, supportive.
Billie: Yes! Nick would make a good chair

Look, when we started dating, I told you I didn't want to get married again. And you said, "Oh my God! Do you own this plane?"

James [to Billie]

James: You should know that I know Krav Maga.
Zack: Fine, call him. I'll fight him, too!

Zack: You know, I bet my buds I could go a whole day eating and drinking only things that end in 'tos.' Mojitos, burritos, taquitos.
Billie: I did that once, but with things that end in 'oni.' Pepperoni, spumoni, calzone. But there wasn't a bet involved. My sorority was just full of bulimics

I guess it turns out they're not 100 percent effective unless you actually take them out of your purse.

Billie

Billie: Look, I know this may sound nuts, but I'm thinking of going home with a guy who may be significantly younger than me, and I just need to know if the situation is empowering or desperate.
Olivia: Is he over 18?
Billie: Yeah.
Olivia: Empowering!

Were you using my grandmother's urn as a water pipe?

Billie

I'm running out of charming. I think I have some more back in my apartment.

Zack

Accidentally on Purpose Quotes

There's all kinds of weird fetishes, like people are into weird costumes or... feet or... monogamy.

James

Were you using my grandmother's urn as a water pipe?

Billie