American Horror Story

Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FX
American horror story
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I would rather be boiled in oil than be on television.


[to Maggie] I'm not the one you have to worry about, Toots. It's the townies, the cops. Do you have any idea how much they hate us? At best we're tolerated because they're grateful we make them feel normal.


Edward: It is not your talent that renders me speechles. It is your delusional ignorance.
Elsa: Excuse me?
Edward: You are a tattered waste of oxygen who bolsters herself with contempt for others.

Bette: I wonder who you are since we came here.
Dot: I'll tell you who I am. I'm someone will do what it takes. I'm going to work hard, save my money, and find a doctor who will do that surgery.

I ain't crying cause you're telling me I'm gonna die, Doc. I'm crying cause you're the first doctor ever treated me with respect.


We're all hopeless, Doc. We're all going to die.


I thought I would be good. I thought all I needed was an audience and it would all come together. I'm such a stupid fool.


Your silence is utterly provocative, but you'll have to earn your keep, Clown.


Nein. Nein. No matinees. No. People don't come to see freaks in the heat of day, they come in the evening when the darkness moves in and speaks of mystery and the unknown. When logic loosens it's vice grip and the imagination comes out to play. Night allows the stars to shine and we come alive. No. Daytime is for kiddie shows, clouds and cupie dolls. If that's what you're used to, but you're in a real freak show now. MY freak show!


They're my warm up act. It doesn't matter if they can sing. They have two heads.


Well I'll be damned, if it ain't old Honest Abe herself. Ethel you look good. How's your old soup catcher? I would have expected to see some gray in it by now. Are you dyin' it? You can tell me.


Well, unless you got pony legs under those trousers or a double ding dong...

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 132 in total

American Horror Story Quotes

Desiree: I wasn't born on a farm, but I know bullsh*t when I smell it, and that's a whole lot of bullsh*t.
Maggie: Go to Hell, triple tits.

Gloria: Where are you going?
Dandy: I don't know. Maybe St. Petersburg where they have real caramel corn, not that cardboard
they sell at the freak show!