I swear to god you could drown a toddler in my panties right now.

Pam

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?

Sterling: A ruse? Hi, it's 1930s, can have our words, and clothes, and shitty plane back?
Rip: Let's go, kid.
Sterling: Call you back, 1930s. And, hey, watch out for that Adolf Hitler. He's a bad egg.

I bet i wont even be able to eat spaghetti and meatballs ever again. Oh god, I could eat. Not necessarily spaghetti and meatballs, but not necessarily not spaghetti and meatballs. I mean I really like spaghetti and meatballs. Man, if I don't get some spaghetti and meatballs I might literally die.

This is only somewhat like that old gypsy woman said!!

Cheryl

Archer: Take the suits to my tailor and the shoes to my shoemaker.
Cyril: You have a shoemaker?
Archer: Do you not?

Jim Messina is a genius and without him? No Poco.

Archer: Oh my God!
Lana: What?
Archer: Michael Gray - was Billy Batson on Shazam!

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Hawley: Awww screw me!
Archer: ...said Ripley to the android Bishop.

Bloody mary, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now in the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph Stalin! For the last time assholes, my name is....Shazam! How do you not remember that show?

Archer Quotes

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Cyril: What do crocodiles eat?
Archer: Everything! They eat everything! And fear is their bacon bits.