Popular Archer Quotes
Archer: What is that smell?
Malory: Gravlax and failure. I think Lana just Broke Torvald's Hand.
Archer: You said no dates!
Malory: I said no such thing.
Archer: Well, your mouth did.
Malory: Well, your mouth better get over there and make Torvald happy.
Archer: Um, phrasing.
Lana: Thanks, no. I'm allergic to cat piss.
Malory: Well, what about the ground breaking work that Dr. Krieger is doing for ISIS in our Applied Research Division?
Pam: Yeah, tell him about the sex robot.
Malory: Yes, the.. what?
Krieger: I call him Fister Roboto.
Lana: I find your lack of faith disturbing.
Cyril: I find your mannish hands disturbing.
Pam: I find them kind of sexy.
Archer: Woodhouse! What are you doing?
Woodhouse: Uh, sitting down sir.
Archer: What, at the table? Like people?
Archer: See that! He was putting on his pants and I stopped him. So you just watch your step Mr.... damn it.
Conway: Hey right there, what you should have gone with, was Sammy Gayvis Jr.
Archer: Hey, wanna smell something?
Receptionist: Swear to god Mr. Archer, I have H. R. on speed dial.
Malory: We need a diversity hire.
Archer: I vote Asian chick!
Oh com 'on, Ruiz was a loose cannon. He played it fast and he played it loose, and in the end he got burned.
Archer: Lying is like 95% of what I do.
Cyril: In your job?
Woodhouse: I'm afraid the lemur got into the pudding cups.
Archer: Yeah, like I told you he would, you idiot.