One for three off the roof, bitch!


Think cool thoughts, like eating mint chocolate your refrigerated the morg

What! Whaaaat!


Cyril: He can't come in without a warrant - well, unless you invite him in.
Archer: He's not a vampire, idiot. Plus it's daytim

Gillette: Archer is drunk.
Malory: Who are you, Carrie Nation?

You know what they say - it's better to have a gun and not need it, than to be the world's biggest dickhead, and inside your head, there's a million more dicks.

Archer: I thought they just wanted my hair so their scientists could unlock the secret of its luxurious fullness. Touch it, Barry.
Barry: No.
Archer: Come on.
Barry: It's not that thick back here.

Ron: Who the hell is going to sneak in from Canada?
Archer: Arctic wolves?

Now it requires literal leg work, Ray. Like walking and maybe running. But hopefully not running because I'll be in brand new shoes.


Archer: So let me guess..
Lana: Yeah, who ever he is, he ghosted an ID file onto our world wide data base.
Archer: Yeah, which you probably found while researching me-
Lana: [Sigh]
Archer: Lana, 'cause you're in the ah... Danger Zone!

Archer: Hello? There's this great new thing called coasters!
Cheryl: Geesh Al, sorry.
Archer: Don't apologize to me, apologize to the Brazilian Rosewood.

Archer: Barry, wait, slow down!
Barry: Why?
Archer: So I can go past you!

Archer Quotes

Cheryl: What the stupid shit are you doing??
Cyril: You said you wanted watermelon.
Cheryl: Watermelon's red?
Cyril: Yes. How do you not know that?
Cheryl: Who am I? Charles Frederick Andress?

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?