Archer
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXPopular Archer Quotes
Archer: Please don't slash the painting, it's...priceless!
Lana: But worthless if you damage it. But even though it's very delicate, it can withstand a surprising amount of shit.
Archer: Wait - is that an extremely ill-phrased analogy about my penis?
Lana: Yes, Archer, it is, because everything, everywhere, everywhen is about the paragon of adequacy that is your dick.
When we get home, first thing, we are bingewatching SchoolHouse Rock.
Archer: How dirty do you think my junk is?!
Malory: As dirty as if it was made of dirt and then got dropped in some different dirt and then Pigpen came along and kicked it around with his dirty shoes.
Calderon: I was bluffing the whole time, I'm totally out of bullets!
Archer: My bad guys, that's on me.
I couldn't hear you over the sound of this gigantic freakin' tank!
Cyril
I'm sorry, Lana. I said a woman. Not a stevedore who lost his hand in a stevedoring accident and then got a hand transplant from an actual bear!
Lana: Oh my God, that's a coca-leaf smoothie.
Cherlee: And they're gross - it basically tastes like a fart of itself.
Cyril's just the Vader to your Palpatine.
Lana
Start counting backwards from a million years and when you get to zero, that still won't happen.
Cherlene
I facetiously beg milady's pardon.
Calderon: My father fought the rebels, and his father fought the rebels!
Cherlene: So, like a family business.
Archer: That manufactures oppression.
