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Archer

Lana: Is that a friggin' candy bar?
Archer: Yeah, but do you think you need the calories?

Malory: Why are you drinking?
Archer: It's a party.
Malory: It's a baby shower! For the bastard child you pumped into a filthy whore!
Archer: I'm obviously not saying now, but one of these days you're make the best grandmother ever.

Krieger: So, uh have you ever thought about having a baby?
Cheryl: Sometimes I think about adopting a little baby so I could abandon it at a mall.
Krieger: That answers my follow up question.

The mochachino ones are the cutest. And I guess he'd be half gay too. Can you say, "best dancer ever!?"

Pam

Lana: Did you see me holding that baby?
Gillette: Look liked Tyson holding that dove.

Give her the rabbit, Lenny!

Gillette

That's disgusting. If I wanted to look at your bare feet, Woodhouse, I'd sneak in and do it while you're asleep.

Archer

Because I told you to buy lemon curd, Woodhouse. Now what am I going to spread on my toast? Your tears?

Archer

Trinette: Wait a minute. You liar, this isn't a condom wrapper! It's from a friggin' candy bar.
Archer: So? Sometimes I like to treat myself.
Trinette: Well, sometimes I like ovulate.
Archer: Well, I have to sleep, so do it somewhere else.

Trinette: I'm retired.
Archer: Yeah, your 401(k) doing that well?
Trinette: I have a SEP, smart ass.

Cyril: Ever since Lana and I broke up, I take solace in food.
Archer: Well keep your chins up, all eleven of them.

What do you even do here? Sit on your ass and analyze data? Well I'm a field agent, Isaac Newton. I risk my life. So yeah, I do deserve the best space in the parking garage. Like it would kill you to roll fifty feet? The stupid thing's electric.

Archer
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Archer Season 2 Episode 3 Quotes

Cyril: Ever since Lana and I broke up, I take solace in food.
Archer: Well keep your chins up, all eleven of them.

What do you even do here? Sit on your ass and analyze data? Well I'm a field agent, Isaac Newton. I risk my life. So yeah, I do deserve the best space in the parking garage. Like it would kill you to roll fifty feet? The stupid thing's electric.

Archer
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