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Archer

Sterling Archer: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? (throws glass tumbler into decanter)
Malory Archer: I must be, because it looks like you just destroyed my Steuben bar set.
Sterling Archer: Well you just destroyed my innocence!
Malory Archer: Oh Please! That Brazilian au pair did that when you were thirteen.
Sterling Archer: Twelve.

Malory: This is why I can't have nice things
Archer: Why, because you shoot them?

(Trying to figure out who Archers father is)
Archer: And just who might my dad be?
Malory: Gene Krupa, no wait... not Krupa... the other one, the one with Teeth......Buddy Rich.
Archer: (shocked) What?
Malory: I could never say no to a drummer.
Archer: (furious) COULD YOU SAY NO TO ANYONE!!?
(Malory vicously slaps him across face and glares)
Malory: (glowering) I said no to plenty.

Lana: (to Cyril) Seriously, you cheated on me with Carol!?
(Mentioned girl passes by open door)
Cheryl: It's Cheryl!
Lana: (to Cyril) Exactly, I think I made my point.

What! Who's there!? What do you want!? Because all your gonna get is holes...Uh.. I mean... holes in you... not my holes...

Malory

Archer: I'm hungry.
Malory: So lick that coat. You smell like a...
Archer: Grill cheese.
Malory: What?
Archer: Grill me a cheese.
Malory: I'm not grilling you a cheese!
Archer: (Begins sobbing)

(Lana's voice is heard on Intercom)
Lana: Hi, if any of you men want to have sex with me (Cyril gasps) Come to my office and take a number.
(A large crowd of men appear before Lana's office. With Pam shoving her way thru.)
Pam: You heard the lady! (holds up piece of paper with number one on it) Take a number!!

ISIS Agent: No.
Pam: Yes!
ISIS Agent: No.
Pam: Have sex with me!
ISIS Agent: No.
Pam: Please?
ISIS Agent: No!
Pam: Gesturing with the dolphin hand-puppet towards his crotch
Aww, come on..
ISIS Agent: Pam...
Pam: Still in the dolphin voice
Nobody will ever know....
ISIS Agent: Yeah... I'd know.

Displaying all 8 quotes

Archer Season 1 Episode 10 Quotes

Malory: This is why I can't have nice things
Archer: Why, because you shoot them?

Sterling Archer: ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND? (throws glass tumbler into decanter)
Malory Archer: I must be, because it looks like you just destroyed my Steuben bar set.
Sterling Archer: Well you just destroyed my innocence!
Malory Archer: Oh Please! That Brazilian au pair did that when you were thirteen.
Sterling Archer: Twelve.

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