Archer

Mondays 10:00 PM on FX
Archer
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I couldn't hear you over the sound of this gigantic freakin' tank!

Cyril

Calderon: I was bluffing the whole time, I'm totally out of bullets!
Archer: My bad guys, that's on me.

Archer: How dirty do you think my junk is?!
Malory: As dirty as if it was made of dirt and then got dropped in some different dirt and then Pigpen came along and kicked it around with his dirty shoes.

When we get home, first thing, we are bingewatching SchoolHouse Rock.

Archer: Wait - is that an extremely ill-phrased analogy about my penis?
Lana: Yes, Archer, it is, because everything, everywhere, everywhen is about the paragon of adequacy that is your dick.

Archer: Please don't slash the painting, it's...priceless!
Lana: But worthless if you damage it. But even though it's very delicate, it can withstand a surprising amount of shit.

Well, one's thing for sure. If I had to do it over, I'd be a dictator.

Cyril

(imitating Malory) Cyril, shut up and find the vehicle..meh-heh-heh...I'm a hateful shrew.

Cyril

Kreiger clones: All will be revealed...in time.
Kreiger: And if there's one thing I love more than triumph, it's annoying vagueness.

Krieger: I think it's some unholy adolescent human amphibian hybrid creature.
Kreiger clones: Yes.
Krieger: I'm home! I'm finally home!

Malory: Ray, find Cherlene. No matter what happens, we can't leave without her.
Lana: She said, suddenly oddly maternal.

Pam: Now I feel like an asshole.
Malory: When do you not?
Pam: Almost always. I really like me!

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 14 in total

Archer Season 5 Episode 11 Quotes

Archer: In case you haven't noticed, this place is crawling with rebels.
Pam: And not the good kind you get drunk with at Myrtle Beach, and cruise the strip in the bed of their monster truck with a big rebel flag on it.

Calm down, Colonel Panic.

Malory