Archer

Mondays 10:00 PM on FX
Archer
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Thank you, George Borewell, for that clunky analogy in defence of totalitarianism.

Calderon: My father fought the rebels, and his father fought the rebels!
Cherlene: So, like a family business.
Archer: That manufactures oppression.

I facetiously beg milady's pardon.

Start counting backwards from a million years and when you get to zero, that still won't happen.

Cherlene

Cyril's just the Vader to your Palpatine.

Lana

Lana: Oh my God, that's a coca-leaf smoothie.
Cherlee: And they're gross - it basically tastes like a fart of itself.

I'm sorry, Lana. I said a woman. Not a stevedore who lost his hand in a stevedoring accident and then got a hand transplant from an actual bear!

I couldn't hear you over the sound of this gigantic freakin' tank!

Cyril

Calderon: I was bluffing the whole time, I'm totally out of bullets!
Archer: My bad guys, that's on me.

Archer: How dirty do you think my junk is?!
Malory: As dirty as if it was made of dirt and then got dropped in some different dirt and then Pigpen came along and kicked it around with his dirty shoes.

When we get home, first thing, we are bingewatching SchoolHouse Rock.

Archer: Wait - is that an extremely ill-phrased analogy about my penis?
Lana: Yes, Archer, it is, because everything, everywhere, everywhen is about the paragon of adequacy that is your dick.

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 541 in total

Archer Quotes

Bloody mary, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now in the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen.

Archer

Hawley: Awww screw me!
Archer: ...said Ripley to the android Bishop.

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