Archer
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on FXArcher Quotes
Malory: Why are you drinking?
Archer: It's a party.
Malory: It's a baby shower! For the bastard child you pumped into a filthy whore!
Archer: I'm obviously not saying now, but one of these days you're make the best grandmother ever.
Krieger: So, uh have you ever thought about having a baby?
Cheryl: Sometimes I think about adopting a little baby so I could abandon it at a mall.
Krieger: That answers my follow up question.
The mochachino ones are the cutest. And I guess he'd be half gay too. Can you say, "best dancer ever!?"
Pam
Lana: Did you see me holding that baby?
Gillette: Look liked Tyson holding that dove.
Give her the rabbit, Lenny!
Gillette
That's disgusting. If I wanted to look at your bare feet, Woodhouse, I'd sneak in and do it while you're asleep.
Because I told you to buy lemon curd, Woodhouse. Now what am I going to spread on my toast? Your tears?
Trinette: Wait a minute. You liar, this isn't a condom wrapper! It's from a friggin' candy bar.
Archer: So? Sometimes I like to treat myself.
Trinette: Well, sometimes I like ovulate.
Archer: Well, I have to sleep, so do it somewhere else.
Trinette: I'm retired.
Archer: Yeah, your 401(k) doing that well?
Trinette: I have a SEP, smart ass.
Cyril: Ever since Lana and I broke up, I take solace in food.
Archer: Well keep your chins up, all eleven of them.
What do you even do here? Sit on your ass and analyze data? Well I'm a field agent, Isaac Newton. I risk my life. So yeah, I do deserve the best space in the parking garage. Like it would kill you to roll fifty feet? The stupid thing's electric.
Malory: Sterling! Len! Either and or both? Where the hell are you? Len?
Barry: Do you know where he is?
Malory: Yes, I'm just screaming his name down the hall to celebrate that fact.
