Archer

Archer Season 2 Quotes

Season 2 Episode 13: "Double Trouble"

Sterling Archer: You know there is probably something I should learn from this but I... AWWW SHIT MY RUG!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Archer: Why the hell are you crying?
Krieger: That was my van.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barry: One for three off the roof, bitch!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Barry: Besides sodomizing my ex-fiancee...
Archer: Only by the strictest legal definition.
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Archer: If I stop drinking all at once, I'm afraid the cumulative hangover will kill me.
 • Rating: 4.4 / 5.0

Lana: Dude, this van is like rolling probable cause.
Malory: All ashore from the S.S. Date Rape.
Ray: Toot, Toot!
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Archer: Does Canada even have a spy agency?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Archer: Do you like to travel? Because if you don't find that bag, I will empty the entire contents of your body and use your leathery skin as a replacement.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lana: On your knees, hands behind your head, and toss out that weapon! But not in that order.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Archer: You swallowed a pool ball?
Pam: I wish just one and I still got two to go.
 • Rating: 4.3 / 5.0

Archer: I don't need a doctor, Katya doesn't have VD!
Malory: You haven't had sex with her?
 • Rating: 4.3 / 5.0

Season 2 Episode 12: "White Nights"

Archer: How is this happy play time? Use your imagines, make a soccer ball out of a dead cat.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barry: Come on, it's your son's life.
Malory: And my money.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Archer: Those cannot be your only shoes. What am I saying? It's Russia. People probably come from miles around just to get their picture taken in those.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Malory: Lana, you go straight to Moscow.
Lana: Undercover?
Malory: Of course undercover.
Lana: As what? Russia's only black woman?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Malory: Ray, get your purse and take some midol, you're going back for him.
Ray: According to these notes from my doctor, a radiologist and my new neurologist I am doing no such thing.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Archer: I thought they just wanted my hair so their scientists could unlock the secret of its luxurious fullness. Touch it, Barry.
Barry: No.
Archer: Come on.
Barry: It's not that thick back here.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Archer: He'll have an unexpected dinner guest, who, may be his son. And for dessert, we will have the truth. You hear that mother? After lifetimes of your secrets and lies, we will finally have the truth! Oh and hopefully s**t loads of vodka.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Archer: Barry, wait, slow down!
Barry: Why?
Archer: So I can go past you!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Archer: So I can't stay for dinner. I assume that smell is cabbage and not just you two.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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