Mondays 10:00 PM on FX
Archer

And thanks Pam. Way to drag out a kidnapping. Now I'm late again. But this is a way better excuse than the train dwarf. Yuck.

Cheryl

Cheryl: Mopeds are fun but you don't want to let your buddies see you riding one.
Pam: I thought he meant I was fuel efficient. I had only had 10 ten beers.
Cheryl: 40s?
Pam: NO.... yes.

Pam: Zing! ... Wildly inappropriate.
Krieger: Seriously, Pam.
Pam: Okay, clone wars.
Krieger: Zing.

Cyril: Kriegers father's was a Nazi scientist.
Malory: And JFK's father was a bootlegger.
Cyril: What!? That's like comparing apples to Nazi oranges.

Archer: What have I been doing?
Lana: Chain smoking joints the size of tampons.
Archer: Eww.
Lana: Just a figure of speech.
Archer: Still, eww.

She's not gay, she just has big hands.

Well, first of all, you don't have to yell. I don't have ear cancer.

Now shut up and kick in the door for me. And do it bad ass like I would. If I still had toe nails.

Archer: Lana, did you see my scarf?
Lana: Yes, Archer. I saw your scarf.
Archer: All my hair fell out.
Lana: I'm sorry.
Archer: Me too. It was my fifth best feature.

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