Oh, mercy me! I forgot that we were in the colonies.

Mrs. Featherbottom

(holding stuffed animals) These are my awards, Mother. From Army. The seal is for marksmanship, and the gorilla is for sand racing. Now if you'll excuse me, they're putting me in something called Hero Squad.

Buster

Lucille: (about Lucille 2) She changed him as a baby!
Michael: Ok, that's about the creepiest thing I've ever heard.
Buster: That's why she didn't look surprised.

Michael: (to George Michael) I'm gonna give you a promotion. Welcome aboard, Mr. Manager.
George Michael: Wow! I'm Mr. Manager!
Michael: Well, manager. We just say manager. And you can hire an employee if you need one.
George Michael: Do you think I need one?
Michael: Don't look at me, Mr. Manager.
George Michael: Right. It's up to me now. I'm Mr. Manager.
Michael: Manager. We just say, uh --
George Michael: I know, but you just said --
Michael: Doesn't matter who.

Okay, we are just about ass-to-ankles back here, Maeby. Do you want to hop on your cousin's lap there, please?

Tobias

Maeby: Do you guys know where I can get one of those gold necklaces with a "T" on it?
Michael: That's a cross.
Maeby: Across from where?

Narrator: If Steve had a father, he would have warned him not to go into the woods with strange men, but he didn't.
Steve Holt: Sure, let's go!

Has anyone in this family ever even seen a chicken?

Michael

Gob: You're a good brother, Michael.
Lindsay: You're a horrible brother, Michael.

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