Arrested Development Season 1 Episode 19: "Best Man for the Gob" Quotes
Michael: Not everything is strippers and booze and buckets of blood. Why do you guys have buckets of blood?
Gob: It's not real blood. It's, um, corn syrup and red dye. Juice.
Buster: We have unlimited juice? (laughs) This party is going to be off the hook.
Michael: You're making Dad your best man? That's great. I guess being your brother and solving all your problems for you doesn't qualify me as your best man.
Gob: Hey, if he wants to support me, I'm not going to tell him to go to hell. Don't worry. You're still ...
Michael: What, invited?
Gob: No, I was going to say you're still the guy I want solving my problems. But, yeah, let me talk to Dad about that invite ... Situation.
I've got the marriage and none of the good parts. It's like so far, it's been all chain and no ball.
Tobias: As you may or may not know, Lindsay and I have hit a bit of a rough patch.
Michael: Really? When did that start?
Tobias: Well, I don't want to blame it all on 9/11, but it certainly didn't help.
Michael: I thought Zenotab was supposed to make everything a little bit better.
Lindsay: For fifteen minutes. Then, it burns when you pee and your marriage goes to hell.
Michael: Let me tell you something. You may not be a father, but you are my brother.
Gob: I might be a father.
Buster: Where'd Annyong get that juice box?
Lucille: Those are for his soccer team. No sugar for you. You just get more awful.
I'm tired of trying to find happiness through lies and self-medicating. If you need me, I'll be at the bar.Lindsay
Gob: Lie to her. Tell her that I'm insensitive and unreliable.
Michael: Maybe something about how you can never confront people and you need someone else to clean up your messes.
Gob: See, that's great ... And that's just off the top of your head.
Gilligan killed the skipper ... stripper!
George Sr.: Gilligan has promised me that all this money will be safe in IRAs.
Ira Gilligan: It's Ira, sir.
George Sr.: Oh, I'm sorry, Gilligan. Will be safe in Ira's.
Gob's Wife: Gob. I want out. I'm in love with your brother ...
Gob: What?! (turns to Michael) You did it again, you son of a bitch! (punches and knocks out Michael)
Gob's Wife: ... In-law. Tobias. Sorry. I should have finished that thought.