Tobias: I'm alright, gang. What an adventure gang. I thought that the homosexuals were pirates, but it turns out most of them were actors in the local theater. You're right, though. It is amazing, I've been waiting for the universe to provide a path for me ... And I think it has ...
Lindsay: You're gay?
Tobias: No. No ... Ha, I'm not gay. How many times must we have this conversation?

(regarding uncircumcised penises) I think it looks frightening when it's cut off. It's a Doberman -- let it have its ears.

Lindsay

(Whispering)
George Sr.: They cannot arrest a husband and wife for the same crime.
Michael: Yeah? I don't think that that's true, dad.
George Sr.: Really? I've got the worst (bleep) attorneys!

Um, I forget their name, but I know they're hungry. I think some are thirsty.

Lindsay

Lucille: (showing Michael her fox scarf) Michael, look. Look what happened to my fox. Someone cut off its little foot. Is it, is it noticeable?
Michael: Well, you've got to remember you're going to be all splattered in red paint. That's gonna distract the eye.

Michael: Hasn't everything already sorta been discovered, by like, Magellen and Cortez?
Buster: Oh yeah, yeah....
Michael: All those folks.
Buster: Those guys did a pretty good job. But there's still ... you know ...

We're here, we're queer, we wanna get married on the ocean!

Gay Protesters

(After George Sr. is put in jail)
Michael: And Lindsay, I expected this from them because they're completely oblivious. But you, you should know better.
(Michael walks away)
Gob: Lindsay, he's really mad at you.

Narrator: And Michael finds it difficult to get his father out of jail.
Michael: You love it here?
George Sr.: Oh, I'm having the time of my life. Hey, T-Bone.

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