Jessie: Daddy lost his shot at happy and it's all your fault, Opie.
Narrator: Jessie had gone too far and she had best watch her mouth.

(to Michael) So, you didn't get any while you were in high school, and now you're not going to get any while George Michael's in high school.


Lucille: I'll have the Ike and Tina tuna.
Waitress: Plate or platter?
Lucille: I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it.

Gentlemen, we do not wave our genitals at one another to make a point!

George Sr.

Jessie ... No, I was just saying your name as you walked away. I didn't ... I have no follow-up.


George Michael: He's my dad. I don't want to disappoint him.
Maeby: You and I are so different. It's like we're not even related.
George Michael: That would be amazing.

Lindsay: "Lindsay's a combative, entitled princess"? I should hire somebody to kick your ass for that.
Lucille: Save your money.
Lindsay: You're right. I'll do it myself.

Jessie: Hi, George Michael. Proud of yourself?
George Michael: Yeah, actually. I got a bum away from the stand without hurting his feelings. That was pretty sweet.
Jessie: No, I mean about your father. About denying him his chance to be happy?
Maeby: You're into that, too? I'm rubbing off on you, huh?

Jessie: (to photographer) Oh, good. Get one of Michael and me on a date. Thank you.
Michael: A date? This is a date now? I thought this was just business.
Jessie: Can't it be a little bit of both?

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