Arrested Development Season 1 Episode 14: "Shock and Aww" Quotes
George Michael: Why would he do that? Why would Gob sleep with my Ethics teacher?
Michael: Probably just to get even with me.
George Michael: How would that be getting even with you? I'm the one that likes her.
Michael: Right. Right. No, I know. You and I know that, but Gob, you know, he's not that exact of a target shooter. He just kind of sprays it everywhere.
Ms. Baerly: Oh, hi. Hi, George Michael. I was just looking at this model home. I'm going to go home and think about it. I'm going to go home and think about it.
George Michael: Dad, what was she doing here? I mean, she wasn't ...
Narrator: Michael knew he had an ethical responsibility to tell his son the truth.
Michael: Yes. Your Uncle Gob slept with her.
Michael: Again. Didn't like Nazhgalia.
Gob: Really?
Michael: Really. And good luck getting rid of her.
Gob: Oh, please. Not a problem. She knows it was a one-time thing. Totally cool.
(Phone rings)
Michael: So romantic.
Gob: Who's N. Bahn-Ahden?
Nazhgalia: I'm sorry, Michael.
Gob: I'm sorry, too, Michael, but ... looks like we're even. You took something I liked, I took something you liked. Yeah. I (bleep)ed Nazbakalijan.
Lucille: Michael, the little Korean is here, and I don't know what to do with him. At least, I think it's a him. You've got to strip them down to next to nothing before you could even tell.
Michael: Yeah. Mom, I just spoke to Social Services, and although they don't like to do this, if you can prove that it's a bad environment for a child, and I would suggest saying what you just said to me. Don't change a word. They will take him back.
Ms. Baerly: I don't know. I mean, they just threw this class at me after Mr. Daniels had a stroke.
Michael: Oh! (Both laugh) I had him; Mr. Daniels. How is he?
Ms. Baerly: Oh, he, you know, had a stroke.
Michael: Oh. I thought you were joking.
Ms. Baerly: Welcome. I'm Miss Baerly, the Ethics teacher. My goal is to teach your children about the preciousness of life that can be lost by the mindless pulling of a trigger.
Michael: Mmm. No ring.
Lindsay: Hey, look, it's not coming from me. It's George Michael. He told me. I think he wants a mother.
Michael: Well, that's ridiculous. He's got you. He's got our mother. You'd think that would turn him off the entire concept.
Cindi Lightballoon: Mr. Bluth, I'm Cindi Lightballoon. I've studied all your teachings, and I've purchased every tape, and I watch them over and over... I've also lost four pounds on your low-carb Bluth Banana Jail Bars. I've come to learn at your feet.
George Sr.: That's a good place to start.
But Gob mistook Michael's basic human decency for a romantic interest, and felt a competitive urge to step in.
Narrator
Gob: This is Shannon, the girl I've been telling you all about.
Michael: Yes. Girl, indeed. Young girl. That's a young, young, young girl.
Gob: Yeah. Well, she's 18, so it's, like...
Ms. Baerly: ... even minor crimes are punishable by brutally chopping off the offender's hand.
George Michael: Oh. No ring.
