Michael: How is he, doctor?
Doctor: It, uh, it looks like he's dead.
Lucille: Oh, my God!
Gob: Oh, little guy ... the tears aren't coming. The tears just aren't coming.

Michael: Well, I better get over there before he brings the whole company down.
Lindsay: It's only been three hours. How much damage could he really do?
Narrator: In three hours, Gob had done $45,000 in damage.

I don't know why you're not taking this "I'm out of here" seriously, but I am out of here, seriously.

This is what I'm talking about, Michael. Now that your father has deserted us, Buster has become impossible to control. Suddenly, he's too much of a big-shot to brush mother's hair.

Lucille

Tobias: You know, Lindsay, as a therapist, I have advised a number of couples to explore an open relationship where the couple remains emotionally committed, but free to explore extra-marital encounters.
Lindsay: Well, did it work for those people?
Tobias: No, it never does. I mean, these people somehow delude themselves into thinking it might, but ... But it might work for us.

Michael: Just to be clear; looks like he's dead, or he is dead?
Doctor: It just looks like he's dead. He's got, like, blue paint on him or something. But he's going to be fine.

Mom volunteered me for the Army. Just because the fat man dared her to.

Buster

Lindsay: What was the last thing he said?
(Flashback to Tobias, covered in blue paint)
Tobias: I just blue myself.
Michael: He ... Said some beautiful things.

Lucille: Yes, I have a rape horn, Michael. Because you took away my mace.
Buster: Like anyone would want to "R" her.

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