Gob: Don't you worry. It'll take a lot more than a heart attack to kill that old bear. (starts sobbing) Old bear! He likes the honey! He never got a chance to see my bee business take off.
Michael: C'mon now. Dad's gonna be around another thirty years, Gob. Your business, uh, might not.
Gob: You're a good brother, Michael. Heart attack never stopped old big bear!

Lindsay: Look, I need to become self-reliant. It's not going to last with Tobias. He's completely oblivious. He's got no idea how I'm feeling or thinking.
Michael: So, there's no sex?
Lindsay: I mean, how do you not have sex with me?
Michael: It is a struggle.

The zero hour, Michael. It's the end of the line. I'm the firstborn. Sick of playing second fiddle. Always third in line for everything. Tired of finishing fourth. Being the fifth wheel. There are six things I'm mad about, and I'm taking over.

Gob

I'm in charge now. I speak for this family. I mean ... I could if you wanted me to. I'd rather not, obviously. Don't know what I'd say. Why do I have to be the one? I don't need this. Why does this have to become my problem? No, I'm out. Forget it. Find somebody else. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of doing everything for this family.

Gob

Kitty: Gob, this is your time. With my help, knowing what I know, we could take over the Bluth Company together.
Gob: Wow, this is a side of you I'd never noticed before. Have they always been that big?

Gob: Oh. Good. Well, I'll start my own business. How hard can it be? (Buzzes) Bzz! We'll see who brings in more honey. (Buzzes and walks off)
Michael: He's thinking about bees again.

Lindsay: Is that a shot at me?
Gob: Probably.
Lindsay: Because, for your information, I have a job.
Michael: Really? What kind of job?
Lindsay: Beads!
Gob: Bees?!
Lindsay: Beads.
Gob: Beads?!
Michael: Gob's not on board.

Michael: I might not be the best witness either. I got a phone call from Kitty this morning.
Barry: Your secretary?
George Sr.: My secretary.
Michael: She says that she's got some evidence, and she's threatening to bring down the company unless we meet her demands.
Gob: Oh, that is just great. Now, I'm expected to climb back on top of Kitty and do my thing again. I mean, this family runs into problems and it's "Oh, let's have Gob (bleep) our way out of it."

Tobias, walking down a street he'd been down many times, saw a book he'd written years earlier as a psychiatrist. The book, initially unsuccessful, had suddenly caught fire ... Although, strangely, only in the gay community.

Narrator

Barry: Our star witness. Come here. Good to see you. You know what? Don't get too close to me. 'Cause I've got an itch you can't believe. I think something laid eggs on me.
Michael: Thanks for the heads up.

George Michael: There are certain things that I can talk to you about that I can't really with my dad, like, uh ... were-were you ever awkward around girls?
Gob: What do you mean? Like if there were three of us and I didn't know where to start? No, I think I did pretty well. Not a lot of complaints, if you know what I mean. At least not from the girl.

Patient: There's like this longing ... this pull. I mean, does that make me, you know, like, some kind of ... ?
Young Maeby: Homosexual.
Tobias: Maeby, please. She's right, though. You probably are a homosexual.

Arrested Development Season 1 Quotes

Why have we been spending so much money on whistles?

Lucille

I can't believe the legs would screw him like this!

Marta