Arrested Development Season 1 Quotes
Barry: Our star witness. Come here. Good to see you. You know what? Don't get too close to me. 'Cause I've got an itch you can't believe. I think something laid eggs on me.
Michael: Thanks for the heads up.
Michael: I might not be the best witness either. I got a phone call from Kitty this morning.
Barry: Your secretary?
George Sr.: My secretary.
Michael: She says that she's got some evidence, and she's threatening to bring down the company unless we meet her demands.
Gob: Oh, that is just great. Now, I'm expected to climb back on top of Kitty and do my thing again. I mean, this family runs into problems and it's "Oh, let's have Gob (bleep) our way out of it."
Lindsay: Look, I need to become self-reliant. It's not going to last with Tobias. He's completely oblivious. He's got no idea how I'm feeling or thinking.
Michael: So, there's no sex?
Lindsay: I mean, how do you not have sex with me?
Michael: It is a struggle.
I'm in charge now. I speak for this family. I mean ... I could if you wanted me to. I'd rather not, obviously. Don't know what I'd say. Why do I have to be the one? I don't need this. Why does this have to become my problem? No, I'm out. Forget it. Find somebody else. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of doing everything for this family.Gob
Gob: Don't you worry. It'll take a lot more than a heart attack to kill that old bear. (starts sobbing) Old bear! He likes the honey! He never got a chance to see my bee business take off.
Michael: C'mon now. Dad's gonna be around another thirty years, Gob. Your business, uh, might not.
Gob: You're a good brother, Michael. Heart attack never stopped old big bear!
Lindsay: Is that a shot at me?
Lindsay: Because, for your information, I have a job.
Michael: Really? What kind of job?
Michael: Gob's not on board.
Gob: Oh. Good. Well, I'll start my own business. How hard can it be? (Buzzes) Bzz! We'll see who brings in more honey. (Buzzes and walks off)
Michael: He's thinking about bees again.
The zero hour, Michael. It's the end of the line. I'm the firstborn. Sick of playing second fiddle. Always third in line for everything. Tired of finishing fourth. Being the fifth wheel. There are six things I'm mad about, and I'm taking over.Gob
Tobias, walking down a street he'd been down many times, saw a book he'd written years earlier as a psychiatrist. The book, initially unsuccessful, had suddenly caught fire ... Although, strangely, only in the gay community.Narrator
Kitty: Gob, this is your time. With my help, knowing what I know, we could take over the Bluth Company together.
Gob: Wow, this is a side of you I'd never noticed before. Have they always been that big?
George Michael: You know, say what you will about America. Thirteen bucks still gets you a hell of a lot of mice.
Gob: Who said anything bad about America?
George, Sr.: Ban on organized sports?
Buster: You know, how you wouldn't let me sign up for anything when I was a kid.
George, Sr.: Is that what you've been thinking all these years? No, no, look, you were ... you were just a turd out there, you know? You couldn't kick, and you couldn't run, you know? You were just a turd.
Buster: Prison has destroyed the way you talk. If that's what it takes to impress these guys around here, then they are not your friends.