You are now punished. I punish thee.

Lindsay

Michael: Tell you what. I'm going to give you the cash, but in return, I get to ask you for a favor sometime.
Gob: My gut is telling me no. But my gut is also very hungry.

Drug Dealer: You set us up!
Gob: No! These are just strippers! Look how hot they are!

What? Oh, no! It's the cops! Oh! And a ... Construction worker.

Gob

Gob: (about the hot cops) These guys are pros, Michael. They're gonna push the tension 'til the last possible moment before they strip.
Michael: They're not going to strip, are they?
Gob: I told them not to, but I can't promise that their instincts won't kick in.

George, Sr.: Tonight? No, it's Yontif, the first night of Yom Kippur.
Michael: Dad, that's just one night, and it's back in September. That's okay. You've only been a Jew for about two days.

Michael: Get that the hell out of this house! What's the matter with you?
Gob: Maybe you should save the lectures for your son. If he can remember them.

Michael: You mean you taught me a lesson not to teach lessons?
George Sr.: It was my last lesson.

Lindsay: (about the broach) You know I wanted that.
Lucille: I know. But it's an elephant. And I didn't want to invite the comparison.

George, Sr.: What time is it? Oh, almost sundown. I have to prepare for the Sabbath.
Michael: It's Tuesday.
George, Sr.: Shh.

Michael: Your uncle Gob seems to think that he saw you down at the docks today. Was that you?
George Michael: No. Maybe it was the other George Michael. You know, the singer-songwriter.

I don't criticize you! And if you're worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

Lucille

Arrested Development Season 1 Quotes

Lindsay: No, Michael, I don't just sleep all day.
Narrator: Actually, Lindsay was so upset at Michael that she tried meditating to calm herself but ended up taking a two-hour angry nap.

Maeby: You don't have to worry so much. I mean, obviously your dad doesn't want to spend time with you, but, you know, go to the beach or whatever.
George Michael: He's just not around, ok?
Annyong: He no have father? Old lady adopt him, too?
Maeby: No, he have father. Father no love him.