You are now punished. I punish thee.

Lindsay

Michael: Tell you what. I'm going to give you the cash, but in return, I get to ask you for a favor sometime.
Gob: My gut is telling me no. But my gut is also very hungry.

Drug Dealer: You set us up!
Gob: No! These are just strippers! Look how hot they are!

What? Oh, no! It's the cops! Oh! And a ... Construction worker.

Gob

Gob: (about the hot cops) These guys are pros, Michael. They're gonna push the tension 'til the last possible moment before they strip.
Michael: They're not going to strip, are they?
Gob: I told them not to, but I can't promise that their instincts won't kick in.

George, Sr.: Tonight? No, it's Yontif, the first night of Yom Kippur.
Michael: Dad, that's just one night, and it's back in September. That's okay. You've only been a Jew for about two days.

Michael: Get that the hell out of this house! What's the matter with you?
Gob: Maybe you should save the lectures for your son. If he can remember them.

Michael: You mean you taught me a lesson not to teach lessons?
George Sr.: It was my last lesson.

Lindsay: (about the broach) You know I wanted that.
Lucille: I know. But it's an elephant. And I didn't want to invite the comparison.

George, Sr.: What time is it? Oh, almost sundown. I have to prepare for the Sabbath.
Michael: It's Tuesday.
George, Sr.: Shh.

Michael: Your uncle Gob seems to think that he saw you down at the docks today. Was that you?
George Michael: No. Maybe it was the other George Michael. You know, the singer-songwriter.

I don't criticize you! And if you're worried about criticism, sometimes a diet is the best defense.

Lucille

Arrested Development Season 1 Quotes

(Regarding Buster) Maybe it was the eleven months he spent in the womb. The doctor said there were claw marks on the walls of her uterus. But he was her 'miracle baby'. And I-I was just too burnt out on raising you guys to care. So... He turned out a little soft, you know...

George Sr.

(to a waiter) Take it back. If I wanted something your thumb touched, I'd eat the inside of your ear.

Lucille