Arrested Development

Arrested Development Season 1 Quotes (Page 26)

Season 1 Episode 3: "Bringing Up Buster"

Tobias: And you tell me you've got some P.E. teacher directing? That just makes me want to puke all over your head, sir. Give me a chance to tell the Bard's tale, and I give you my word on humble knee, whence you shall not say it wasn't e'er to be.
Teacher: Jerry, you cool with this?
Jerry: Sure, let the little fruit do it.
Tobias: Huzzah!!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

George Sr.: Time to pull out the basket and wdig into some hot ... Son of a bitch!
Richard Simmons: Oh! Look what you did! You plopped it!
George Sr.: I'll plop you, you mincing little ...
 • Rating: Unrated

Steve Holt: Steve Holt!
Maeby: Steve Holt!
George Michael: Stand-in for ... Steve Holt?
Steve Holt: Steve Holt!
 • Rating: Unrated

Buster: Mom dropped me off to spend time with Michael.
Gob: Spend time with Michael or to serve her own menopausal needs?
Michael: She's always got to wedge herself in the middle of us so that she can control everything.
Buster: (chuckles) Yeah. Mom's awesome.
 • Rating: Unrated

Maeby: I'm surprised you tried out for this.
George Michael: Yeah, I just love the theater.
Maeby: That's great. I'm just doing it to kiss Steve Holt.
George Michael: I actually think I'm going to quit. Yeah, theater's dead.
Maeby: But ... he's always going to be at football practice, so I'm going to have to kiss the stand-in.
George Michael: But no ... no. I love the theater, and I gave my word, so I'm back in.
 • Rating: Unrated

George Michael: So, I quit the play. I don't really like plays. Also, I think your dad thinks I'm gay.
Maeby: Oh, he thinks everyone's gay.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tobias: I didn't get into this business to please sophomore Tracy Schwartzman, so ... onward and upward. On ... (crying) Why, Tracy?! Why?!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lindsay: Buster's right. You get off on being withholding.
Lucille: Buster said that? My Buster?
(later)
Lucille: Michael?
Buster: Mom?
Michael: What are you doing here?
Lucille: (to Buster) Oh, hello, Buster. Here's a candy bar. (pulling candy bar away) No. I'm withholding it. Look at me. Getting off!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

(While George Michael's making cornballs in the kitchen)
Michael: I shouldn't have poked my nose into your life.
George Michael: My life?
Michael: I know that you're growing up.
George Michael: Yeah, but, Dad, you're like the most important part of my life.
Michael: (looking at the cornball) That's a little cornball.
George Michael: I don't mind.
Michael: I don't mind either.
(Michael musses George Michael's hair and then leans his arm casually onto the edge of the cornballer)
George Michael: Watch it.
Michael: (as cornballer singes his arm) Mother of God! Owww! Every! Damn! Time! Owww! This is a big one!
 • Rating: Unrated

Tobias: Michael, if I could stick my pretty, little nose in here for one second. When I was a psychiatrist, and this is before I became an actor...
Lindsay: You're still not an actor.
Tobias: Lovely... I saw a lot of this type of behavior, and what I think you're experiencing is your son's very normal need to distance himself from his overbearing father. Am I touching something? Watch this. Maeby, where are you off to in this glorious
(Tobias is inadvertently touching the cornballer)
Tobias: Hot! Hot hot!
Michael: Be careful. Are you okay?
Tobias: (whimpers and grimaces for a few seconds) Hot hot...Now, take my daughter for example. She lives her life, and I get the pleasure of guessing what that mind entailed on. Watch this. Maeby, where are you off to in this glorious Sunday afternoon? (whispers to Michael) She won't tell you.
Maeby: I'm going to audition for a play.
Tobias: Well, that time it didn't work...What?! What play?
Maeby: It's for high school. You can't audition.
Tobias: I was totally wrong! She's reaching out to her actor daddy. DOES ANYONE HAVE AN ICE PACK?!
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: (explaining ideas to his associates in a meeting) ...And we're back on track, and we're focused, and ... Buster. (who is assembling the bike) You can't do that in the snack room, pal?
Buster: Mom told me to stay away from microwaves. And besides, this is gonna be the most bitching fast bike in all of Orange County!
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 2: "Top Banana"

Tobias: (auditioning) Fire! Fire! Fire! (singing) Amazing grace, how sweet that sound...
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: So, Mom, I'm trying to find...
Lucille: I don't know where they are.
Michael: ...these flight records. You know, it's really more believable if you let me finish.
 • Rating: Unrated

Fireman: Somebody wanted this place to go.
Michael: Yeah? What do you mean, arson?
Fireman: Oh, definitely the work of a flamer.
 • Rating: Unrated

George Sr.: I am having a love affair with this ice cream sandwich.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lucille: You might want to let that fire go out before you stick your face in it.
Lindsay: Ah, that's funny. Because I was going to say, you might want to lean away from that fire since you're soaked in alcohol.
Lucille: Mine was better.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lindsay: Did you enjoy your meal, Mom? You drank it fast enough.
Lucille: Not as much as you enjoyed yours. You want your belt to buckle, not your chair.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lucille: Luz, that coat cost more than your house. (Lucille looks at Michael)
That's how we joke. She doesn't even have a house.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tobias: Oh, my God! We're having a fire ... sale! Oh, the burning, it burns me! Evacuate all of the school children! This isn't a fever! Ama ... I can't even see where the knob is ... zing grace!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

George Sr.: There's always money in the banana stand.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Are we missing your favorite "Arrested Development" quote? Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!