Lucille: Oh, don't give me that look. I happen to be a more caring mother than most.
Buster: Where's my bed?
Lucille: I put it in storage.

Buster: And I'm going to continue dating, Mom.
Michael: It sounds a little bit like dating Mom.
Buster: It's starting to feel a little like it.

Michael: I'm a saint, you know. I'm a living saint, and I get absolutely nothing out of it.
Lindsay: Well, you get a false feeling of superiority.
Michael: That is nice, but this time it's not enough.

Rallo: Tell me, where did you get two alliance approved assistants on such short notice?
Gob: Oh, no, that was just my girlfriend and my nephew!
Rallo: You're back out.

Cab driver: Where to, mate?
Tobias: The Gothic Castle.
Cab driver: Gothic a**h*le?
Tobias: That's what I said!

George Michael: What are you doing?
Michael: I'm doing a little cost projection analysis for a mini mall.
George Michael: Wow, that's pretty cool you know how to do all that stuff.
Michael: Yeah, maybe your old man's just a little bit cooler than you thought he was, huh?

Marta: I was just looking for Gob.
Michael: Well, you're his girlfriend.
Narrator: Michael wished Marta was his girlfriend, a secret he had only shared with Lindsay.
Marta: Actually, we had a big fight. He thought I was belittling his career, but I never would do that.
Michael: Neither would I. What career?
Marta: The magic?
Michael: Oh, the tricks, the little tricks. Those are great.

Gob: Real needle, real apple. Real neck.
Amable: He's a zombie!
Marta: They're children! How could you do that?
Gob: Oh, sure, first you dump all over it, now you want to know how it's done.

Michael: Well, he hasn't been here.
Marta: But he said he was staying here. Oh, my God. Maybe he's staying with another woman.
Michael: No, no, no. No, no, no. No, he is staying here. I just haven't seen him here ... the foyer, or the kitchen.
Marta: Well, that's a relief.

Lindsay: You are too nice.
Michael: Oh, come on, what was I supposed to do, tell her that Gob is not staying here? Tell her that Gob is screwing around on her, God knows where he is? Actually, that-that sounded okay.

Maeby: Your legs look exactly like mine, and I just shaved mine.
George Michael: So, I'm thinking of getting a motorcycle.

Tobias: There's my little girl. I've got great news. Daddy has the entire day off.
Maeby: But you have every day off ... You don't have a job.

Arrested Development Season 1 Quotes

Lucille: I'll be in the hospital bar.
Michael: Uh, you know there isn't a hospital bar, Mother.
Lucille: Well, this is why people hate hospitals.

Michael: (to George Michael) I'm gonna give you a promotion. Welcome aboard, Mr. Manager.
George Michael: Wow! I'm Mr. Manager!
Michael: Well, manager. We just say manager. And you can hire an employee if you need one.
George Michael: Do you think I need one?
Michael: Don't look at me, Mr. Manager.
George Michael: Right. It's up to me now. I'm Mr. Manager.
Michael: Manager. We just say, uh --
George Michael: I know, but you just said --
Michael: Doesn't matter who.