Arrested Development

Arrested Development Season 1 Quotes (Page 28)

Season 1 Episode 2: "Top Banana"

Narrator: Michael realized that his father had even taken control of the banana stand, but he still had some unanswered questions, so he did a little detective work.
Michael: You burn down the storage unit?
T-Bone: Oh, most definitely.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Gob: I should be in charge. I'm the older brother.
Michael: Do you even want to be in charge?
Gob: No ... but I'd like to be asked!
 • Rating: 2.0 / 5.0

Lucille: (on the phone) Then why don't you marry an ice cream sandwich!
 • Rating: 3.5 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 1: "Pilot"

Lucille: Look what they've done, Michael. Look what the homosexuals have done to me.
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Michael: Unbelievable. Sounds like you saved enough skin to make 10 new boys.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lucille: I'd rather be dead in California than alive in Arizona.
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Michael: So ... this is the magic trick, huh?
Gob: "Illusion," Michael. A "trick" is something a whore does for money. (Michael points out that a bunch of kids are staring at Gob with their mouths open) ... Or candy!
 • Rating: 4.3 / 5.0

Maeby: Um, yeah, I bought a frozen banana, and when I bit into it, I found this.
George Michael: It looks like a foot.
Maeby: It tasted like a foot. Which I didn't really mind, but I'm pretty sure I said "no nuts".
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Narrator: Then, mistaking a group of garishly dressed men for pirates, Tobias boarded a van full of homosexuals.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Michael: Ok, guys, um ... They are going to keep Dad in prison at least until this gets all sorted out. Also, the attorney said that they're going to have to put a halt on the company's expense account. (All gasp) Interesting. I would've expected that after "They're keeping Dad in jail".
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Gob: You know, I sort of thought my contribution could be a magic show.
(Shot of Alliance of Magicians)
Michael: Oh, that's perfect, Gob.
Gob: Thank you.
Michael: Or, wait a minute. I just remembered something - Dad's retiring, not turning six.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Lucille: And I'm putting Buster in charge.
Gob: He's a good choice.
Michael: Buster? The guy who thought that the blue on the map was land?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: Maybe you'll be inspired by the boat party tonight and start a career as a pirate.
Tobias: I haven't packed for that.
 • Rating: 3.5 / 5.0

Lucille: Everything they do is so dramatic and flamboyant. It just makes me want to set myself on fire!
Lindsay: Good grief, Mother! Not all homosexuals are flamboy -- Oh, my God, I have the exact same blouse.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

(Whispering)
George Sr.: They cannot arrest a husband and wife for the same crime.
Michael: Yeah? I don't think that that's true, dad.
George Sr.: Really? I've got the worst (bleep) attorneys!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lindsay: (regarding uncircumcised penises) I think it looks frightening when it's cut off. It's a Doberman -- let it have its ears.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Tobias: I'm alright, gang. What an adventure gang. I thought that the homosexuals were pirates, but it turns out most of them were actors in the local theater. You're right, though. It is amazing, I've been waiting for the universe to provide a path for me ... And I think it has ...
Lindsay: You're gay?
Tobias: No. No ... Ha, I'm not gay. How many times must we have this conversation?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: Well, I'm sorry. It's just it's too late. I'm truly sorry, but I'm moving to Phoenix. I got a job. (long pause) It's something you apply for, and then they pay you to, um ... never mind. I don't want to ruin the surprise.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Michael: (about George Michael) Well, I guess he really misses his family.
Lindsay: Well, he doesn't know us very well.
Michael: Yeah, clearly.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Michael: Dad was always banker, so there was no beating him.
George Michael: He should have been stocking up on those "get out of jail free" cards.
 • Rating: 2.0 / 5.0

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