Arrested Development

Arrested Development Season 1 Quotes (Page 3)

Season 1 Episode 20: "Whistler's Mother"

Tobias: Well, Lindsay, could you use it over there? I'm trying to grow.
Lindsay: Yeah. Well, it's clear that's not going to happen.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 19: "Best Man for the Gob"

Tobias: As you may or may not know, Lindsay and I have hit a bit of a rough patch.
Michael: Really? When did that start?
Tobias: Well, I don't want to blame it all on 9/11, but it certainly didn't help.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Gob: I've got the marriage and none of the good parts. It's like so far, it's been all chain and no ball.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: You're making Dad your best man? That's great. I guess being your brother and solving all your problems for you doesn't qualify me as your best man.
Gob: Hey, if he wants to support me, I'm not going to tell him to go to hell. Don't worry. You're still ...
Michael: What, invited?
Gob: No, I was going to say you're still the guy I want solving my problems. But, yeah, let me talk to Dad about that invite ... Situation.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Not everything is strippers and booze and buckets of blood. Why do you guys have buckets of blood?
Gob: It's not real blood. It's, um, corn syrup and red dye. Juice.
Buster: We have unlimited juice? (laughs) This party is going to be off the hook.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

George Michael: The-the problem I'm having is, uh ... I have a pretty finely tuned internal clock ...
Michael: Mm-hmm.
George Michael: ... Which is actually why I'm such a good natural percussionist ...
 • Rating: Unrated

(Sees Buster and the stripper both knocked out)
Michael: I'm calling the cops.
Gob: No!
Bix: We're changing again, guys.
Gob: No. No cops!
 • Rating: Unrated

Gob's Wife: Gob. I want out. I'm in love with your brother ...
Gob: What?! (turns to Michael) You did it again, you son of a bitch! (punches and knocks out Michael)
Gob's Wife: ... In-law. Tobias. Sorry. I should have finished that thought.
 • Rating: Unrated

George Sr.: Gilligan has promised me that all this money will be safe in IRAs.
Ira Gilligan: It's Ira, sir.
George Sr.: Oh, I'm sorry, Gilligan. Will be safe in Ira's.
 • Rating: Unrated

Narrator: And Michael tried to find the money the accountant said was missing.
George Sr.: I don't know. I probably stole it. I mean, if he says it's missing, it is. Unless he stole it. Hey, maybe he stole it.
Michael: He's the one who said it's missing.
George Sr.: Yeah, I probably stole it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Gob: Lie to her. Tell her that I'm insensitive and unreliable.
Michael: Maybe something about how you can never confront people and you need someone else to clean up your messes.
Gob: See, that's great ... And that's just off the top of your head.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lindsay: I'm tired of trying to find happiness through lies and self-medicating. If you need me, I'll be at the bar.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Buster: Where'd Annyong get that juice box?
Annyong: Annyong.
Lucille: Those are for his soccer team. No sugar for you. You just get more awful.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: Let me tell you something. You may not be a father, but you are my brother.
Gob: I might be a father.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: I thought Zenotab was supposed to make everything a little bit better.
Lindsay: For fifteen minutes. Then, it burns when you pee and your marriage goes to hell.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tobias: This family is not about to start using. We are pushers, not takers.
 • Rating: Unrated

Narrator: And Michael arrived home determined to prove that he was, in fact, fun.
Michael: I just booked us a little fishing trip.
George Michael: Why, what did I do?
 • Rating: Unrated

Gob: Yeah, I think that they're going to know that Annyong's not your --
Annyong: Annyong.
Gob: Would somebody please tell this insufferable child ... to ... God!
 • Rating: Unrated

Gob: Gilligan killed the skipper ... stripper!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 18: "Missing Kitty"

Gob: (to George Michael) Maybe we'll meet a couple of young coeds along the way. How young is too young for you?
Michael: Ok, that's not going to happen. Ok? There's not gonna be any coeds. There certainly isn't going to be any magic. (to George Michael) It is a path to a lonely life where people mock you, and you don't even realize it.
Gob: Um, Michael, I'm a magici - Oh, I see what you did.
 • Rating: Unrated

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