Gob's Wife: I'm in love with your brother-in-law.
Gob: You're in love with your own brother? The one in the army?
Gob's Wife: No, your sister's husband.
Gob: Michael? Michael!
Gob's Wife: No, that's your sister's brother.
Gob: No, I'm my sister's brother. You're in love with me - me.
Gob's Wife: I'm in love with Tobias.
Gob: My brother-in-law?
Gob's Wife: I know it can never be, so I'm leaving. I'm enlisting in the army.
Gob: To be with your brother ...
Gob's Wife: No!

Lindsay: I'm protesting the war. There's a war going on, you know.
Maeby: Yeah. I'm the one who told you, and you said it happened ten years ago.

Michael: Is this about the money?
Gob: No.
Michael: What do you want?
Gob: I mean, it's not about money in the sense that I'm coming here saying, "Here, Michael. Take some money." It's just more of a "may I have some" kind of visit.

Tobias: Well, Lindsay, could you use it over there? I'm trying to grow.
Lindsay: Yeah. Well, it's clear that's not going to happen.

Maeby: It all adds up. He stole somebody's hair, made a wig, knocked out the guard, tunneled his way through a sewer line, and then stopped to get a candy apple on his way to Mexico!
George Michael: Of course! You're mocking me.
Maeby: Of course.

I've got the marriage and none of the good parts. It's like so far, it's been all chain and no ball.

Gob

Tobias: As you may or may not know, Lindsay and I have hit a bit of a rough patch.
Michael: Really? When did that start?
Tobias: Well, I don't want to blame it all on 9/11, but it certainly didn't help.

Michael: Not everything is strippers and booze and buckets of blood. Why do you guys have buckets of blood?
Gob: It's not real blood. It's, um, corn syrup and red dye. Juice.
Buster: We have unlimited juice? (laughs) This party is going to be off the hook.

Michael: You're making Dad your best man? That's great. I guess being your brother and solving all your problems for you doesn't qualify me as your best man.
Gob: Hey, if he wants to support me, I'm not going to tell him to go to hell. Don't worry. You're still ...
Michael: What, invited?
Gob: No, I was going to say you're still the guy I want solving my problems. But, yeah, let me talk to Dad about that invite ... Situation.

Gob: Lie to her. Tell her that I'm insensitive and unreliable.
Michael: Maybe something about how you can never confront people and you need someone else to clean up your messes.
Gob: See, that's great ... And that's just off the top of your head.

Narrator: And Michael tried to find the money the accountant said was missing.
George Sr.: I don't know. I probably stole it. I mean, if he says it's missing, it is. Unless he stole it. Hey, maybe he stole it.
Michael: He's the one who said it's missing.
George Sr.: Yeah, I probably stole it.

Buster: Where'd Annyong get that juice box?
Annyong: Annyong.
Lucille: Those are for his soccer team. No sugar for you. You just get more awful.

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 574 in total

Arrested Development Season 1 Quotes

Okay, we are just about ass-to-ankles back here, Maeby. Do you want to hop on your cousin's lap there, please?

Tobias

Michael: (to George Michael) I'm gonna give you a promotion. Welcome aboard, Mr. Manager.
George Michael: Wow! I'm Mr. Manager!
Michael: Well, manager. We just say manager. And you can hire an employee if you need one.
George Michael: Do you think I need one?
Michael: Don't look at me, Mr. Manager.
George Michael: Right. It's up to me now. I'm Mr. Manager.
Michael: Manager. We just say, uh --
George Michael: I know, but you just said --
Michael: Doesn't matter who.

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