Arrested Development

Arrested Development Season 1 Quotes (Page 5)

Season 1 Episode 16: "Altar Egos"

Michael: Boy, the lengths you'll go to sleep with a woman.
Gob: Believe me, we didn't do any sleeping. I had sex last night.
Narrator: But he really didn't.
Gob: Yes, I did.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lucille: Your father with his disgusting tweaking. I couldn't breast feed any of you kids because of that man.
(Everyone groans except for Barry)
Barry: They still look fabulous.
 • Rating: Unrated

Gob: Michael, you can save this family. Please, do the right thing here. String this blind girl along so that Dad doesn't have to pay his debt to society.
Barry: The solution to all our problems is staring you right in the face, and it can't even see you.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Michael: (regarding Maggie) I certainly can't take advantage of her now, knowing what I know.
Gob: What? No, Michael, you can. Don't you...? You just won the gold medal at the sexual Special Olympics. She can't ever find you again. Don't you see that you're so lucky? God, how do you not...?
 • Rating: Unrated

Barry: Do you want to read it?
Michael: No, it is thick. Why don't we just take it?
Barry: I could kiss you on the nuts.
Michael: Yeah, well ... What?
 • Rating: Unrated

George Sr.: Hi ... This is not what it looks like ...
Lucille: It looks like you're tweaking her nipples through a chain-link fence.
George Sr.: Yep ... Yeah, that's it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Maeby: Enjoy the $200.
George Michael: This is six $20s.
Maeby: That's right.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lindsay: We would like you to tutor our daughter.
Tobias: Now, of course, we are having a bit of a cash flow problem. But I assure you; if you bring our little girl's grades up, I will pack your sweet pink mouth with so much ice cream, you'll be the envy of every Jerry and Jane on the block!
George Michael: But we're the only house on the block.
(Camera shows a shot of the Bluth house in the middle of nowhere)
Tobias: Perhaps we should get somebody else.
 • Rating: Unrated

Gob: Sorry, did you say seals?
Gob's Wife: Yes! I trade trained seals for a living! Do you ever listen?
Gob: Do you ever stop talking?
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 15: "Staff Infection"

Michael: How'd you know I was here?
Gob: I called the office. You know, that Kitty is starting to sound pretty damn sexy to me. Maybe I ought to ...
Michael: That was Lindsay.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Buster: I'm a scholar. I enjoy scholarly pursuits.
Lucille: Suddenly, playing with yourself is a scholarly pursuit.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Michael: He's not a chicken. He just doesn't like confined spaces, that's all.
Gob: I thought it was open spaces.
Buster: No, it's both.
 • Rating: Unrated

Michael: Thanks for coming out, buddy. I've been dying to get some time with you, I really have.
George Michael: That's ok. I know how much you care about me. Unfortunately, so does the federal government.
 • Rating: Unrated

Tobias: Lindsay, say something to scare me.
Lindsay: F*** me.
Tobias: Nope, nothing. Thanks for trying, though.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tobias: All right, let's discuss this bunking situation!
White Power Bill: You're gonna be sleepin' under me for a while.
George Sr: (to Tobias) I sold you for a pack of cigarettes.
 • Rating: Unrated

Annyong: I went to beach once. Next thing you know, I in crate next to pig.
 • Rating: Unrated

Buster: (to Gob) Chickens don't clap!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lindsay: Well, you and I have different management styles. I believe work should be fun, and you try to crush people's spirits. What's next, Michael? Are you going to make dancing illegal? Is this the tiny town from Footloose?
 • Rating: Unrated

Lindsay: Dad hired me out of college.
Michael: You quit college.
Lindsay: Yeah, well, I had a job. What was the point?
 • Rating: Unrated

White Power Bill: (hits man with pipe) I have worse plans for you if you keep trying to convert my team!
George Sr.: Ok, hold it, hold ... Hold it now ... Now, I'm doing no such thing; both of our religions have a lot to offer. There's the Jewish notion of heaven, and that it can be attained here on Earth. And there is your belief ... In the cleansing power of the pipe.
 • Rating: Unrated

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