Arrested Development Season 1 Quotes
Gob: Michael, you can save this family. Please, do the right thing here. String this blind girl along so that Dad doesn't have to pay his debt to society.
Barry: The solution to all our problems is staring you right in the face, and it can't even see you.
Michael: (regarding Maggie) I certainly can't take advantage of her now, knowing what I know.
Gob: What? No, Michael, you can. Don't you...? You just won the gold medal at the sexual Special Olympics. She can't ever find you again. Don't you see that you're so lucky? God, how do you not...?
Maeby: Enjoy the $200.
George Michael: This is six $20s.
Maeby: That's right.
Barry: Do you want to read it?
Michael: No, it is thick. Why don't we just take it?
Barry: I could kiss you on the nuts.
Michael: Yeah, well ... What?
Lindsay: We would like you to tutor our daughter.
Tobias: Now, of course, we are having a bit of a cash flow problem. But I assure you; if you bring our little girl's grades up, I will pack your sweet pink mouth with so much ice cream, you'll be the envy of every Jerry and Jane on the block!
George Michael: But we're the only house on the block.
(Camera shows a shot of the Bluth house in the middle of nowhere)
Tobias: Perhaps we should get somebody else.
Michael: How'd you know I was here?
Gob: I called the office. You know, that Kitty is starting to sound pretty damn sexy to me. Maybe I ought to ...
Michael: That was Lindsay.
Buster: I'm a scholar. I enjoy scholarly pursuits.
Lucille: Suddenly, playing with yourself is a scholarly pursuit.
Michael: Thanks for coming out, buddy. I've been dying to get some time with you, I really have.
George Michael: That's ok. I know how much you care about me. Unfortunately, so does the federal government.
Michael: He's not a chicken. He just doesn't like confined spaces, that's all.
Gob: I thought it was open spaces.
Buster: No, it's both.
White Power Bill: Who is this little (bleep)?
Tobias: Well, it's been quite a while since anybody's called me a tyke, but no, I am Dr. Tobias Fnke, or with your help, Frightened Inmate #2. And who is this shiny building of a man?
George Sr.: Oh, I'm very scared right now.
White Power Bill: (hits man with pipe) I have worse plans for you if you keep trying to convert my team!
George Sr.: Ok, hold it, hold ... Hold it now ... Now, I'm doing no such thing; both of our religions have a lot to offer. There's the Jewish notion of heaven, and that it can be attained here on Earth. And there is your belief ... In the cleansing power of the pipe.
Lindsay: Dad hired me out of college.
Michael: You quit college.
Lindsay: Yeah, well, I had a job. What was the point?