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Michael: I'm driving a staircase, for God's sake, okay? It smells like gas, I get hop-ons ...
George Sr.: Well, of course, you're gonna get hop-ons.
Michael: And most importantly, Dad, my son does not like to be seen in it.
George Sr.: (laughing) But he likes being seen with that girl!
- Permalink: I'm driving a staircase, for God's sake, okay? It smells like ga...
Barry: A company called Stanpor.
Michael: As in the opposite of Sitwell, which is run by a certain hairless man who could be very upset with you right now.
Gob: What has he to be upset with me about? (one of his eyebrows drops down)
Michael: You are wearing his eyebrows?
Gob: It made me feel dressier.
- Permalink: A company called Stanpor. Stanpor? As in the opposite of Sit...
Gob: So, get this. I took (Sitwell's) dress eyebrows.
Michael: He's not gonna be happy about that.
Gob: No. Especially when he goes to the opera with two mustaches on his forehead.
- Permalink: So, get this. I took dress eyebrows. He's not gonna be happy ...
Buster: Mom's becoming a little controlling.
Michael: What tipped you off? When she locked you out on the balcony again?
Buster: That was half my fault. I thought I saw a graham cracker out there.
Michael: [to Lucille]You baited the balcony?
Lucille: Prove it.
- Permalink: Mom's becoming a little controlling. What tipped you off? When...
Even if I have to take a chubby, I'm willing to suck it up!Tobias
- Permalink: Even if I have to take a chubby, I'm willing to suck it up!
Yeah, mothers. It's like, f(bleep)in' die already!Gob
- Permalink: Yeah, mothers. It's like, fin' die already!
I'm an idea man, Michael. That's how I came up with F(bleep) Mountain!Gob
- Permalink: I'm an idea man, Michael. That's how I came up with F Mountain!
George Michael stumbled across a box of love letters he had written, but never sent, to his cousin Maeby. One of these, entitled "If You Weren't My Cousin," was particularly incriminating.Narrator
- Permalink: George Michael stumbled across a box of love letters he had writ...
Michael: (about Sitwell) He happens to be a very modest and generous man.
Lucille: Modest and generous? Then why is he always waving giant ten million dollar checks over his head every time some...
Michael: Go ahead, Mom, finish your thought. Every time some children's hospital needs funding?
- Permalink: He happens to be a very modest and generous man. Modest and ge...
Lucille: Give me a vodka rocks.
Michael: Mom, it's breakfast.
Lucille: And a piece of toast.
- Permalink: Give me a vodka rocks. Mom, it's breakfast. And a piece of t...
Michael, I'm your big brother. I'll never be impressed with you.Gob
- Permalink: Michael, I'm your big brother. I'll never be impressed with you.
Lucille: I've done everything I can. I even tried to convince them he's [Buster] gay, but no one would believe that a woman like me would have a gay son.
Michael: Well you certainly tried. You guys wore matching outfits until he was twelve.
- Permalink: I've done everything I can. I even tried to convince them he's ...