Michael: I'm driving a staircase, for God's sake, okay? It smells like gas, I get hop-ons ...
George Sr.: Well, of course, you're gonna get hop-ons.
Michael: And most importantly, Dad, my son does not like to be seen in it.
George Sr.: (laughing) But he likes being seen with that girl!

Barry: A company called Stanpor.
Gob: Stanpor?
Michael: As in the opposite of Sitwell, which is run by a certain hairless man who could be very upset with you right now.
Gob: What has he to be upset with me about? (one of his eyebrows drops down)
Michael: You are wearing his eyebrows?
Gob: It made me feel dressier.

Gob: So, get this. I took (Sitwell's) dress eyebrows.
Michael: He's not gonna be happy about that.
Gob: No. Especially when he goes to the opera with two mustaches on his forehead.

Buster: Mom's becoming a little controlling.
Michael: What tipped you off? When she locked you out on the balcony again?
Buster: That was half my fault. I thought I saw a graham cracker out there.
Michael: [to Lucille]You baited the balcony?
Lucille: Prove it.

Even if I have to take a chubby, I'm willing to suck it up!

Tobias

Yeah, mothers. It's like, f(bleep)in' die already!

Gob

I'm an idea man, Michael. That's how I came up with F(bleep) Mountain!

Gob

George Michael stumbled across a box of love letters he had written, but never sent, to his cousin Maeby. One of these, entitled "If You Weren't My Cousin," was particularly incriminating.

Narrator

Michael: (about Sitwell) He happens to be a very modest and generous man.
Lucille: Modest and generous? Then why is he always waving giant ten million dollar checks over his head every time some...
Michael: Go ahead, Mom, finish your thought. Every time some children's hospital needs funding?
Lucille: Nonetheless.

Lucille: Give me a vodka rocks.
Michael: Mom, it's breakfast.
Lucille: And a piece of toast.

Michael, I'm your big brother. I'll never be impressed with you.

Gob

Lucille: I've done everything I can. I even tried to convince them he's [Buster] gay, but no one would believe that a woman like me would have a gay son.
Michael: Well you certainly tried. You guys wore matching outfits until he was twelve.

Arrested Development Season 2 Quotes

She sometimes takes a little pack of mayonnaise and she'll squirt it in her mouth all over. And then she'll take an egg and kind of...mmmm! She calls it a 'mayon-egg.' Are you okay?

George Michael

Oh, mercy me! I forgot that we were in the colonies.

Mrs. Featherbottom